My boyfriend won’t find a job
Hello guys I’m hoping you can help me. I’m 22 and my boyfriend is 27 we have been together for nearly 2 years. I lived on my own before meeting him and he lived with his parents (which is not a problem for me) he then moved in with me and we agreed to go 5050.
A couple of months with living with each other he lost his Job. It took him 2/3 months for him to find another job with A lot of promoting from me. Fast forward to this year he loses he Job again after only being there 5 months or so. To me it doesn’t feel like he’s making enough effort to find another job he lost that job in September and since then I’m always the one applying or making him call agencies . He said it makes him feel down and I try to understand and make him feel better but I’m starting to feel like he’s taking the mick.
He found work with this agency and had an early start but didn’t bother getting up because he said his mum messaged him and called him a failure which made him not want to go. I’m really struggling with money at the moment my pay check isn’t big enough to look after 2 people. It would be nice if I could actually see him trying to apply for jobs everyday . I It was at work applying for jobs for him while he was in bed . He's now started saying it will be hard to work because of the new COVID rules .
When I say no to giving him money he gets annoyed or makes me feel bad by being silent so I end up giving in or we just argue . It’s even getting to the point where I’m always borrowing money of my mum ( she doesn’t mind as I Always pay back ASAP) but she said to me she doesn’t like the fact I’m always borrowing money when I should be getting help from him.
Oh that’s not the worst part I can be at work all day come home and the house still isn’t tidy . I mean it’s the least he can do . Please I don’t know what to do anymore.
The guy's attitude is still living at home with his parents and you have replaced them in his mind. You need to determine if he shares your values and goals and has the willingness to contribute to all things concerning your relationship together. It's all good for him to speak about employment, and use the Covid as an excuse, but it's his actions which are doing the talking.
You need to sit him down and tell him where he stands with this issue, because if he doesn't have the will to succeed, then he won't have the will to support you while you guys live together. You not doing him any favours (or for yourself) if you're applying for jobs for him while he sits at home doing nothing.
Yep I agree if you’re at work all day, the least he can do whilst he doesn’t have a job is tidy up and look hard for a job whilst he’s at it.
It’s putting a strain on you, your relationship and he can’t rely on you to pay for everything.
If his mum did call him a failure, that isn’t nice and could damage his self esteem, his confidence if that’s how she talks to him (and how he talks to her). But that’s not an excuse not to go to work. With covid no one wants it but people still go to work coz they have to.
I think you need to make it very clear to him that you can’t keep supporting him and he needs to get a job. Or he’s goes back to his parents. Don’t listen to his excuses anymore but encourage him to apply for jobs, say positive things to him when he does.
Don’t apply for any jobs for him, he’ll become reliant on you to apply for him. I know you want to help him, but hes an adult and needs to do that himself, then when he gets a job he will get a sense of accomplishment :-)