How much should I compromise?
I want to settle in my hometown to be close to my family and friends – I have slept with a few girls a long time ago that are still in circles of friends. They are mainly in my secondary circle of friends in my hometown, although things can change quickly in a small town – my best friend’s brother and another guy in the main circle seem to be in contact with one of the girls.
My girlfriend (foreign) feels disgust when she thinks of them being near me.
On top of never wanting to go to a social gathering where one is present, she is also uncomfortable when I’m with my friends and they are there.
I think my gf will agree to trial living in my hometown if I make a few compromises / sacrifices.
She is fine if I invite the lads out for a drink etc and the girls show up, but doesn’t want me to go somewhere that I know the girls already are.
I can’t see myself sticking to a blanket rule like this – if all my friends are somewhere (which is rare these days) and one of the girls is there I won’t not go.
She wants me to never go to the home of the girls (one I’m closest to lives nearby with my friend – ie her bf).
I could agree to this but I imagine I will need some further compromise.
Not ideal but neither is discarding a girl I still love.
What you have done in the past is for learning from and stays there in the past. Depending on what nationality your GF is and what her culture dictates about past GF's, she could be viewing this at what she perceives to be the done thing to do in this situation. However, if she's controlling & insecure, then you have your work cut out for you trying to settle in your hometown.
Regardless, it's none of her business how many GFs you had and how many you slept with. It's not about your GF trial living in your hometown, with compromises and conditions, it's about her accepting all of you, as you are, regardless of what you've done in the past with whoever. If she loves you and respects you, then she'll do her utmost to make sure that you are happy and that your relationship together thrives...it's that simple.
Your girlfriend doesn’t seem to trust you. Is there a reason for this?
How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Would you want her hanging around situations and socializing with her past lovers?
If she comes to live with you ease her into all of the social situations very carefully. Probably no way she’s ever going to be friends with these women but at least she might grow to tolerate them and realize that they are not a threat to your relationship.
In the meantime, widen your social circle and get some new friends that you both will like.
Your girlfriend is a raving control freak. Remind her that she is not your wife and that you are a grown man who will make choices in life that YOU decide are best. Tell her that she is demonstrating that she does not trust you, and that without trust there can be no love. She needs to grow up. Tell her that love cannot exist with a choke chain around it's neck and that she needs to stop acting like she is your mother telling you what you can and cannot do. My goodness! Were it me I would have dumped her.
I've always thought it best to cut ties with old sexual partners. It just opens up complications and drama in future relationships.