Career choice causing conflict
Im a 26 year old guy, with no tertiary qualifications, who owns my own transport business in the private sector. I started it at the age of 19, i now employ 3 other people but im still very hands on so it involves me being a driver or mechanic at times. My business gives me an annual salary of R240 000($16000), plus the profits of the business put back in as capital and held in the value of assets, and enables me to financially support my mother and gran who are both unemployed.
My girlfriend of 3 years (who is 23 years old) has a degree in engineering and is currently doing a 3.5 year internship. She lives with her parents who support her financially, atleast in part.
In the past i was informed her parents dont think i am good enough for her because of my choice of career, i chose to ignore this red flag because it was only important to me that my gf accepted it and was proud of everything i have achieved, however recently it appears that she feels like my career is something to be looked down upon. She has mentioned that it is not a respected career to be transporting people around, and that i should get a more 'reputable career' to be more in line with her achievements in life, she feels she deserves to be with someone on her level so that other people dont question why she would be with someone like me. She has a degree and an entry level job that isnt even in her desired field, earning R120 000 ($8000) per year.
I personally dont think anyone should be judged based on the job they have, but rather their character as a person, but i would like to know, if either of us doesnt deserve the other, or deserves better, is it me or her? And should i stay and try and make it work or should i cut my losses and move on?
To be frank Tony, if your GF loved and respected you, it wouldn't matter what you did for a legal living. If she can't support you in your chosen career because it upsets her standards, then you're correct-it's a very big red flag.
You have developed a business over a number of years which allows you to support your family, and for you to continue to be successful, you will need to keep contributing to it, without having to worry about if you deserve your GF or vice versa.
It's not so much about you having to equal her achievements in life, it's about you having a supporting partner who will walk beside you in life and be prepared to back you in every way, with everything you need to do, to be successful as a couple. It's a two way street, applies to both partners, and only works when there is no judgement, only 100% acceptance and respect.
As for people having to ask your GF why she's with someone like you, she'd only need to say that she loved you and needed to be with you?!?
Thank you, this is exactly how i feel, just needed some reassurance that i wasnt wrong. Really appreciate you taking the time to read and offer help
I had a friend who got engaged to a really nice guy who was a tree trimmer. He had one big truck and employed two people. Her parents were concerned because he was not a college graduate and they felt he wasn’t up to theirs or her standards.
His business never grew and he began drinking and so yes their lifestyle was very low but she never had to work. They ended up having three children, he later died of alcoholism.
One of the sons took over the business and has grown up to be a huge contractor that deals with clearing land and doing the big jobs that no one else can do. He has amassed a wealth of equipment and is a fine man. He was able to do what his father didn’t because he 1st was not an alcoholic and 2nd worked to grow the business. He just didn’t work AT the business, he worked ON the business. There is a difference.
What are your 5 and 10 year plans for your business?
I plan to get to a point where i dont even have to be personally involved in the business, to grow it to a point where i employ someone else to manage it for me and i can check in now and then. Right now i may not be able to specify whether its a 5 or 10 year plan (as covid has changed things drastically) but i dont believe i am stagnant. I am still making progress, and i see that as a positive.
I also have been working on investing in property to secure some form of passive income, as well as making other financial investments that can pay me interest over time (some of which i have already made).
Not that i believe it matters because at the moment, i have made way more long term investments than my gf has, and i have a lot more to show in terms of my achievements thus far. But i am curious to know why you have asked tuese things, as i am willing to try and understand things from a different perspective.
A part of me is actually hoping you have a different perspective and you can help me understand, so that maybe, if there is something to save in my relationship, that this can help me see why i should try and save it...
I am impressed with your future plans and your clear thinking. You have energy and ambition. This girl’s parents should also be impressed. Have you shared with them your long-term goals in a casual conversation? Does she admire you and what you are doing? Do you know these people who don’t respect others
Are these people who don’t respect others unless they have a college education or status in the community? If so, you don’t have a chance of ever earning their respect.
Go where are you are affirmed and respected. It sounds like you will be able to figure this out (What you should do and where you should go to make sure this happens.)