Accidentally falling in love in very unfavorable circumstances
JUSTCEOPROBLEMS - Jan 10 2021 at 14:31
I wanted at first to address this in the live chat, but there is too much background information so a post here was more appropriate, I hope you like a long story :)
So, myself I'm a 31 years old engineer who found himself CEO of his own tech company after inventing something crazy 3 years ago. Before that I was someone who's fun to be around, I travelled a lot, very social with everyone. I'm someone who's very desirable as well from girls, as I am lucky to have very good genetics (very tall, handsome, well built), and I can sustain an interesting conversation about almost anything, be funny, flirty, etc... (I'm not being pretentious here, it's relevant to the story, sorry...).
I created some amazing technology that everyone wants/needs, and I quit my job, created my own company, and became the "Founder and CEO" overnight. Work became my life over the past 3 years, a 14 hours work day is what I call a relaxing Sunday... The longest holidays I've had were 3 days hiking and camping over a year ago, no weekends, no days off. I've given up on relationships because I'm someone who gives his best to anything he does, and under those circumstances I'd be the worst boyfriend ever, and it's not fair to any girl I would be dating to endure that.
I'm not going to lie, it does get VERY lonely, especially going from someone who really likes girls and who girls like in retun. I have to turn down girls all the time, manage how I interact with them etc... so I don't trigger anything unwanted. To cope with loneliness, I tried porn, Virtual Reality, sex toys, everything to satisfy the crazy sex drive I have, that usually comes with a very active and creative mind, without having to commit to a relationship or go for one-night-stands.
All of that got boring because it's very... cold... and I missed the warmth of human communication during intimacy, so a month ago I started going to a camgirl website, where I can chat with girls, make myself as well as them feel good (it's very important to me that both have fun, otherwise I get bored...), and I've had a couple girls who I really liked having fun with, while keeping it at that: anonymous fun over the internet, and that really helped my "ceo" loneliness a lot.
That is until last week, I found this girl who I first was attracted to just from her looks, she is an absolute supermodel. We have some fun and we talk afterward, as I always do (remember, I go to those websites because I want the human aspect of it as well). I get to know her a little more, and the more we talk, the more we can't believe how much we have in common... What foods we like, what cars we like, what pets we like, what kind of travel we like, what kind of nature we like. We share our outlooks on life and what drives us, and the way she described herself basically described me, perfectly... She mentions this quote that she lives her life by, the same quote I have custom printed on the pillow I sleep on my bed. We are both super driven people, who want to achieve a lot in life. She is a dental student in the last year of university, on the side she does the camgirl thing, but she's also a professional model, has an interior design agency, and is working on setting up her own dental business startup as soon as she graduates, among other things.
She asked me what I was doing here, I said mainly to have fun without all the strings attached to a real relationship, and without having to go to.. well.. prostitutes... online webcams seemed to be the best compromise for me. For her it was similar, it's just that as a business-minded person, she figured that she can have fun while being paid for it and not have to do anything in person. She also gave up on relationships to focus on her career goals for the past 2 years.
Bottom-line, we understood each other right away, and we said we wanted to keep it as intended, just having fun online with no strings attached. The thing is, the more we talked, the more we got more and more into each other. She eventually asked me for my personal online contacts, breaking the rules of the camgirl studio she works from and getting a fine for it... (Rule number 1 for camgirls: NEVER give your real contact info) We started talking outside of the website, not just talking, we started having fun with each other as well without me spending anything on her. She sends me all kinds of pictures and videos of her, and we talk all the time. She tells me that she never felt so strongly about someone, so fast, even less so over the internet... She even willingly told me where she lives and her real name without me even asking... And from my side, it's the exact same situation... Before this episode, I never used an online dating app, so I never have experienced anything remotely similar. I also never felt so strongly about someone, let alone online, and felt like I knew her since forever, and we've only known each other for a week...
We both expressed multiple times how this is really scary to us, we both weren't expecting this. We both didn't want relationships or to fall in love, not anytime soon anyways as we both want to focus on our careers. I know it's very cliché, but it's absolutely unbelievable how much we get along with each other, I can list over a hundred things, down to the same unique brand of tea that we drink that needs to be bought in specialized shops...
I know camgirls can fake interest to get you to spend money on them, but she's not asking for money from me, in fact I haven't spent any for half the time I knew her now, as we "meet" outside of her work now (online). She can't fake telling me the deep life driving philosophies that I share without me telling her anything about them, and most of all, she started to say that she wants to meet me in real life whenever it's possible (as we live in different countries and travel can be problematic). This is a woman who, as I mentioned earlier, is literally a supermodel, she can probably seduce any guy she wanted in her life, she wouldn't go through all these lengths and risks to want a complete stranger she met online a week ago... She showed herself attending dental school, she showed me her interior design company, she showed me her professional model photoshoots and the publications they're used in, she doesn't "need a greencard" because I am originally from a third world country and hold one of the worst passports in the world. There is no way in hell she is lying to me or trying to trick me into something...
And we finally get to my problem: I don't know what to do... I really don't and am completely lost... I'm falling in love with the first women ever who I felt this closely connected to, and I don't fall in love easily, only happened to me ONCE, more than 10 years ago... and this is happening in a time where my company needs me most as we're ending a fundraise that will make the company worth... a LOT... (she has no idea about this, or about how much money I have). I've sacrificed so much to focus and my career, retire in my early 30s, and do whatever I want in my life. I survived being alone for 3 years, but now I'm VERY afraid that I will let go of the first person in my whole 31 years that I considered a potential soulmate, who has all the aspects of anything I dream of in a girl, and if I decide to go through with it and get together, with how complex the situation is, how will we make this work as we're both focused on our careers and live in different countries?
There you have it, a long story of finding love in the most unexpected place at the most unfortunate of times... Thank you if you read through all of it. What do you think of situation? I need input to help me see a little clearer, and in my real life all my friends are too close to my business for me to talk to them about this...
Choose the lady and make time for her. Work on balance and take it slower. If you let someone you love go, you will regret it. After all, you're both adults, are you not?
Camgirls are paid to act like they like you. Also don't forget, she takes her clothes off for money. That is bound to become a point of contention between you two eventually.
If you have the time to play with camgirls at night, then you have the time to go out and meet real people. After all (according to you) you have everything to offer, it shouldn't be too hard.