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I just keep finding men who use me

JUST A KITTY profile image
I dated a man 3 years ago and the relationship lasted 1.5 years. He had a breakup a few months before we met and all I heard about the whole time was how this woman used him, how he gave her lots of his time and how she would mistreat him and her heroin addiction.

He would keep me at arms distance even though I was trying to get closer and would often leave upset that he didn't consider me someone he should be happy to have in his life. I was accused of stealing objects in his home that he would later find, asked to leave after having sex, and told I wasn't that important to him. He would rarely call me during the week and would basically show up to have sex. I moved away, and we then started talking on the phone, but it just fell apart. Fast forward 9 months later and he apologized for all the things he had said and we kept in touch.

I went to his house the other day and he seemed so happy to see me, and we made plans to go hiking together. During that 12 hours we spent together he told me he had started a relationship with another woman, she had used him and abused him, that it started immediately after the time we had stopped talking. Again, how he spent all his time with her, lots of money on her, took her on vacation, supported her child, and all she did was cheat on him and use him for money. She had a drinking issue and cheated on him endlessly.

He told me that he didn't want a relationship, again, that he had to work on himself and then tried to sleep with me, "We always had good chemistry" I just left his house, let him know that I realized that he basically jumped over me between his two relationships and somehow I'm stuck with his worst again. I realized that it was just more of the same crap from him.

I wish I could say this is the first time I've met men like this, the older that I get the worse it seems. I'm not sure if I should just not date again or what. I'm not bad looking, some would say pretty, I earn a living and I'm pretty independent. I just wish I could find someone who wants to live the free-spirited life I do with me and just be happy. Instead, I seem to find every dredge at the bottom of the barrel. Is this really all that there is left?

I just keep finding men who use me

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Your ex is a failure when it comes to relationships because he chose to be with partners who have used him and in turn, he's used you, because that's what he expects from a relationship, not to mention trying to support partners who had issues with drugs and alcohol. It says it all. If he didn't share your values and standards then you were bound to be 'stood on' by this guy.

If you look for the guys who will treat you with disrespect, then you'll always end up being hurt. If you look for a guy who has respect for himself first, then he'll have respect for others, regardless of who he is and what he looks like. What's left out there are plenty of decent guys who share your expectations of a successful relationship but you may have to change the way you date and where you date to meet them.

I just keep finding men who use me

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Sounds like he is using you for a rebound.

Unpopular advice? Get to know a person, I mean really get to know him before you have a sexual relationship with him. It's not popular in today's world, but women are constantly leaving themselves at a disadvantage nowadays by engaging in a sexual relationship too early (I would say to wait for marriage).

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