I need help with my relationship
I need some help with my relationship. I’m 22 years old and I have 1 kid and 1 on the way with someone. I would like to think I love this man but I’m not sure I ever have really. He earns well and therefore I am lucky enough to not need to work, but as I haven’t worked for some time I feel as if I would not be capable to provide on my own. From an outside point of view I have everything, nice house, nice car, nice things and a family, but I am deeply deeply unhappy but afraid to admit it to anyone.
I know I am so young and I wish I could be happy and settle down with him but there’s a part of me that can’t see myself with him forever. I’m definitely not sexually attracted to him- find it very boring and crap! I just don’t know what to do. If I leave him I loose everything but if I stay I don’t know if I will be unhappy forever.
We barely spend any time together he works a lot and then when he’s home he’s tired and only wants to sit on his phone and watch football on the TV. His definitely got comfortable around me and has put on weight - which I find even less attractive. He makes no effort and has poor hygiene which was never the case before. I feel like I rely on him a lot financially and am now stuck. What should I do??
There is give and take in every relationship. It sounds like you may be failing to realize this. He is tired from working a lot, and you don't need to work. He has put on weight, and I bet you have as well with going on 2 children.
You also seem to be mistaking infatuation for love. Infatuation is an emotion that disappears with the hormones released during a new relationship. Love is an action word, it is a devotion to another person and a willingness to put their needs before your own.
As for the sex, that is something that every couple should talk about. What they like, what they don't like, fantasies that they may want to try, etc. Have you tried being more adventurous in the bedroom or are you expecting him to do everything? Also take into consideration, that having children can and will alter your sex lives. You may want to try couples therapy, or maybe a self help marriage seminar tape like the one my wife and I bought (Mark Gungor "Laugh your way to a better marriage).
Either way a successful relationship requires effort from both sides. And the first step in doing that is to communicate.