Early relationship issues space, affection, and conversation
Thank you for taking time to help me if you are ready this.
Backstory - My girlfriend and I met 7 years ago in college but just started dating 2 months ago and been official for almost a month. We didn't stay in contact over the years hardly even at all just because it happened that way. But we both always had a crush on each other since we met and talked a lot when we met. Now we are together.
Current Issues - We enjoyed a lot of time together over the holidays, I let her bring up things that are big deals to have a serious relationship Like saying I love you, future talks, jewelry, and much more. She's also dealing with multiple stress factors in life which all started around
when ourr relationship started which are things like back issues that cause pain, roommates that are being very toxic towards her that are a couple, and COVID-19. We have a very natural and amazing chemistry and feels like compatibility. She has said this herself and countless amazing things have been said and shared and gifts to each other.
However, our relationship is being stressed by this I think on top of the things I have been doing wrong and thinking I was making progress to help lower her anxiety and overall enjoy our relationship during all this.
The main issues of our relationship is what I need major help with to help grow and balance our relationship I actually think is special and worth it.
The issues I need help with are space, affection and balancing conversation.She has been telling me for a few weeks she feels overwhelmed by my affection and just recently that I don't talk enough about random conversations unrelated to us. She has definitely told me multiple times. One time it was verbal affection. Another was too much focus on future or about us. And then recently not enough space and random conversations. However during all this stress she's been going through i have been here for so many things when she has wanted me to be or asked me to be for her to feel safe, comfort, lower her stress and more. We went through having covid together as well. And things that confused me are how she hinted at a promise ring on Valentine's day and move in together in August. All her ideas and I like them.
But now it's gotten to the point of me overwhelming her with affection and talk about us and being there for her. And Now that I understand she also wants more random conversation I am worried it's too late and I didn't fix it and change it when she first mentioned a few weeks ago. And now her affection is like non-existent. We still text regularly daily. Yesterday we had los of random conversations and she brought up ideas for getting food and sharing sometime and liked my idea with it. But still no affection we normally have. And it felt like we almost broke up a couple days ago and she feels if what I want and need isn't what she can give and it was very difficult while also talking about her roommates toxicity. I want to be able to be there for her but she also has a natural difficulty reaching out because of anxiety and it falls on me to bring up plans or reach out.
Thank you. I tried to give all the context to get better help for a clearer picture and I hope it was not too much. Never reached out for help like this. I appreciate anyone's time to get back to me.
Also want to add that I always try my best to listen and I never ever raise my voice towards her and just have conversation when there are issues. I'm trying to understand what I'm supposed to do to get through this time and grow our relationship and hear her and also do my part. I miss the affection and feeling like I'm her person. Thank you.
It sounds to me like she has unrealistic expectations. She is expecting you to be everything she needs and nothing but that. I'd recommend a conversation where you 2 can both manage your expectations. People are just people.
That's a good point actually and really appreciate your response. At what point should i bring up my concerns about this to communicate? Like after she has a couple days space? After we hangout a few times? Or after affection is back into play?
It’s not real clear what she wants from you. Perhaps she could be more specific.
. Might it be that you are coming across as being needy and perhaps overwhelming her in the romance area? Could it be that she does not get the chance to be the seducer because you are three steps ahead? Are you romantic without expecting sex?
Could it be that she wants to have conversations not related to your relationship? That means that she wants you have outside interests and share those thoughts in conversation? Do you stimulate each other intellectually? Do you share the same interests?
It’s especially stressful trying to keep a relationship together these days. Just slow down and enjoy each other and get to know each other and what each of you expects from one another.
These are great points and advice! I basically say too many verbally affectionate things whether relating her to being beautiful or nickname or our life together. But definitely need to increase conversation about random things and interests. Stimulating intellectually is probably exactly what we need and more fun activities. But how do I also help the affection come back while she's still super stressed about her roommates toxicity and stuff? On top of now me being overwhelming even though she wanted me there for her so much and loved all that. But the verbal affection I did too much.