Girlfriend wants space but not broken up
My girlfriend deals with anxiety and now recent depression because of stresses in her life. She got overwhelmed with stress in life and from affection from me and asked for space and to go slow and pull back from the relationship. She sees us as still dating and not talking to anyone else. We spent the holidays together and went through having COVID together so we spent a lot of time and only been talking since early December and together right before Christmas officially. She brought up all the serious deep serious relationship topics and said she's in love with me first and wanted to plan living together after her lease is up in August. Since a week ago we haven't talked much especially affection is basically 0 and we hung out 1 time this week on Sunday. We hung out for 3, hours walking a arboretum and talking about her passions most the time and variety of other conversations as well. We kisses and hugged when we met up, She grabbed to hold my hand at one point during walk, and shared leftover pizza at the end by the cars, she hand fed me a bite of bbq wing. We talked about ideas to do sometime but very subtle. Then before leaving we gave 3 long 1 30-60 second hugs. First hug she said i smell good and I'm warm. Second hug i said i really like her. And third hug was enjoyed in silence. All 3 hugs she snuggled her face into my neck and against my face. And all 3 hugs she was on her toes and were fully embraced firm hugs we never had before.
We been barely texting each day since Sunday which was 4 days ago. No affection. No real interest like before. Distant. Disconnected.
My questions are what do I do? How do I rebuild her interest and comfort to want to spend time and be affectionate again? How do I become the comfort and security feeling she wanted around while dealing with her other issues? And show and communicate i want to enjoy the process going slow too and appreciate her as her own person and see we are good together?
I never have been mean or raised my voice or anything ever. Just talked, tried listening, and being there when she needed me which I was there a lot. And now she hasn't wanted me around or reached out to hangout even though she wants space and messages me each day a little.
I know I need to work on listening, hearing her, communication, not being too affectionate or make her feel overwhelmed about the future, and getting her to trust i want to go slow too, and work on getting her to feel comfortable and and want me around.
I really appreciate anyone advice. Thank you!
You have posted several times about the same issue. Each time you give more and more description of her actions and I wonder if she is even able to have a relationship with anyone -
You are not a therapist. Sounds like she has emotional problems and suffers from anxiety and depression and you don’t know what else to do to make her feel better. You have tried everything. No action of yours is going to make her feel better about herself. Nothing you can or can’t do will change her behavior because it sounds like she needs professional help.
So you have to decide if you are going to be patient with her and give her your time while she gets professional help, or you need to move on and find another young woman.
This is true and recently haven't seen improvement and figured reposting would help see the time it's taking and nothing working. I really am lost. But I'm thinking of trying to communicate to try hearing anything else going on and if I can be there for her even if it is to vent. It's all that i can do besides be patient and wait. But i really want to open up a door of her talking to me and knowing I'm here for support because it feels she is distancing and not realizing she doesn't have to go through all of it alone.
That’s very nice of you but please realize that you are not a therapist and you are over your head in trying to deal with someone who exhibit such behaviors as you have described. She is push/pull with you right now.
Encourage her to get help and talk to a professional therapist. Then you can be supportive of what the therapist thinks what and how you might do to help.