Pregnant with the possibility he wants out
Thank you for clicking on this thread, I hope everyone is staying safe.
My boyfriend (28 yrs) and I (27 yrs) have known each other over 5 years, but been in a relationship for 15 months only. We've been a bit rocky, where trust issues has made us fight even broke up one time during the 15 months. Nobody ever cheated though, as far as I know.
During the time we got back together, we got along fine and it so happened that I found out I was pregnant when I was 10 weeks 3 days along. I found out so late because when I first missed my cycle I thought nothing of it as I was on contraceptive, but when i missed my second cycle I took a test which was positive and my ob/gyn explained that the contraceptive may sometimes fail even when taken religiously. My boyfriend was happy regardless and excited for a baby girl. I was as nervous as he was but very happy too and felt that it was meant to happen. And things seemed to be working out between me and him for a while. He would caress my tummy and we would watch videos of how babies grow in the womb. Soon we started spreading the news to friends and family.
Lately however, I found myself giving more as I was cooking all the time, cleaning the house, washing all the dishes after dinner, doing all the groceries, and I couldn't do it all by myself, he would only clean his car. We don't officially live together, but with the quarantine going on I've been living with him a lot more to prevent leaving the house back and forth so often. When I addressed it to him that he should take some consideration that I am pregnant and need his help more, he got mad at me. Since then it all went down hill, he would blame his lack of giving to the relationship on me cause he says that I dont make him want to give. He barely kiss me, we're not intimate anymore. He says I am not who he imagined I would be (Not sure what he was expecting of me) He says, the more he gets angry with me the less he feels for me. He keeps accusing me of talking to other men when I'm clearly pregnant, which don't make sense to me. With the pregnancy hormones I keep losing my patience at his nonesense and thats when I seem to raise my voice or speak too loud and this gets him even more upset.
I just don't understand why we fight so much. It's like he hates me. Everything I do is wrong, and he wants me to listen to him but never let me talk. He wants to be right all the time. I am so tired.
We've spent this week apart just to take some space and diffuse the situation. We went to some baby stores yesterday and I told him it was nice seeing him and he said you too. This morning he told me he misses me but still feels angry at me. I didn't know what to say, cause I know when he's still angry everything is used against you. So i said nothing. And because I said nothing he got angrier at me and now it feels like it's right back to the start again. He's been saying mean things intentionally to hurt me and get me to raise my voice, but I've been doing my best not to stress my baby. I told him if he wants to leave, he can go. He's picking these fights with me and that tells me he's tired of me.
I am 18 weeks pregnant now and we are supposed to be going for ultrasound next week and I don't know how we can do that together with the way things are. I need advice, I need help please as I have no idea how to do it alone or how to co-parent and I think he has already quit on me.
My intuition tells me he isn't in love with me anymore and he wants out. Please advice I am hurting.
Clearly this fella is not ready to even be in a relationship much less to be a co- parent with you. Your baby deserves more than to be raised in a household full of stress and arguing.
You too need to learn how to communicate. He needs to step up his responsibilities. You need to learn how to express your feelings without going to anger. He needs to stop acting like a child and you need to stop treating him like a child. These are all things that would be talked about with a professional couples counselor.
Don’t waste any time and get some help with this situation. Don’t make any commitment with him about living together until all these things are at least worked on.
I understand that this situation is very upsetting and that this is between both of you and noone else. But there are priorities here, and that said it's the baby in your tummy and your well being.
Stress can very much affect the life your growing inside.
It's totally understandable and should be that when women are pregnant since the hormones are raging in, we become more sensitive and emotional. It's actually very impossible to manage.
If he doesn't understand, if he isn't considerate then truly just dump him.
For real. Your growing his baby and you asked him just to help you with house chores and he acts like a rabid dog? It's quarentine for a reason! We don't even understand if there are consequences of getting the virus while pregnant.
Girl, I think you should tell what's going on to someone and not deal with this alone.
Maybe other people can put some sense in his head, but it's time for you to rest and get ready for your baby girl.
You should be worried about your well being not how your going to go with your partner to an ultrasound check up. Like no! Just don't.
If he wants to go, they he man up and do it. Don't push his limits and give him space. But definitely talk with someone.
And congratulations! Best wishes for you and your baby! Hope everything goes ok in your pregnancy and your life!