What should I do? Relationship advice please
KHUSHI1 - Jan 23 2021 at 20:52
I'm in a relationship of more than 7 years. My boyfriend is kind of controlling. He's not a bad person but sometimes he wants to control everything. I mean he wants me to change myself according to him. So I was in college when i first met him and it was my first relationship. I didn't have much friends in graduation and he was my priority. I used to spend all the time with him in graduation. So after we got graduated we took admission in the same college for PG. Our classes were different. So on the very first day of our college, he introduced me to two of his classmates. I also introduced him to my new classmates/friends (girls) but he didn't show much interest in them. So he wanted me to have lunch with his friends and i dont know why but i did exactly what he said...i never really liked his friends much but i had to do what he said...i loved him very much that i didnt wwnt to lose him...i was not allowed to talk to any other guy in the college...and i never even had lunch with my friends/classmates in college. We used to fight a lot over silly reasons...and i dont remember that he ever said sorry to me for the fights...well after the PG we got jobs and working in different organisations right now....we are still together but sometimes i feel that im not happy...i tried to discuss this with him a lot of times but he always put the blame on me...i have gained weight so that is also a very big reason for our fights/arguments. It's our age to get married now but im not sure whether i really want to marry him or not..I love him but he's too controlling and according to him his happiness is more important...he has this male ego..
he doesn't think my opinion matters in any kind of decision....well there is no one else in my life and i really dont know how i will live without him but i know deep in my heart that i will not be happy with him...What should i do?
I think you already know what the best decision for you is you're just too scared to make it, which is completely understandable. You should not marry this dude if he is this controlling even if he is doing it without eve realizing. You should not accept this despite the fact you love him. Love isn't like this magical power that you can only have with one person. If this guy isn't the one and you truly believe this then you need to take a chance and at least explain to your boyfriend where you're at. You should never feel pressured to commit to something as significant as marriage just because you think you won't find someone else or because you're so comfortable with him you're scared of the possibility of a future without him. Sometimes it is best to simplify things. If he doesn't think your happiness is just as or even more important than his, then it's time to open yourself up to other possibilities, or he needs to truly prove himself not just through his words but through his actions as well. Good Luck
Your BF really has no clue how to be in a successful relationship. It's not about his happiness, it's about both of you and he needs to realize that true relationships are a two way street, flowing both ways. After 7 years, if the guy truly loved you, he wouldn't have the need to change you, rather he would just accept all of you just the way you are.
If you can't discuss the issue with him, and he continuously reverts the blame back to you, then you're just going around in circles when you set out to try and solve it. You need to follow your instinct, your gut feeling, & never mind your heart, when making a decision about marrying this guy. He's basically restricting you and your happiness but it's your life & you need to take control of it, whether you do it with or without him.