Are we being selfish and immature?
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years, but my parents dont know. I'm already in my third year of college and my parents are pretty anal abt me dating and they want me focused on my grades. BTW i go to school in another country and my parents stay in the US. I'm also an honor student, since like high school so I've never really had issues regarding my grades. my boyfriend, on the other hand, is not as academically gifted as i am but he's a hard worker and helps provide for his family since theyre underprivileged. unlike other people our age, he never drinks alcohol or parties (his father passed away at a young age due to a bad lifestyle and he didnt want that for himself). although he's not smart in school, he's actually more knowledgable on life stuff. he's also pretty athletic, and he always makes me laugh. he's basically the class clown. he had always taken care of me even before we started dating (i had a lot of bad habits and he helped me stop before it got worse)
anyways, we got in trouble one time for school. long story short, it made my parents see him in a bad way. then he got in even more trouble (for a stupid reason, like you'll laugh at how stupid it was) that caused him to get suspended for a few days.
my parents had connections w the school so they found out and didnt want me associating with him anymore (this was dumb because we had the same major).
SN: I'm currently back in the US while my bf is in the country I'm studying at
Recently, my bf and I got grouped up, and we ended up almost being auto-failed for that class bc of some issues. my bf delivered our project but somehow it got lost (another prof found our project inside one of the classrooms. btw it had our names on it as well as our prof's name for the subject). my parents found out it was my bf who had to deliver it to the school and promptly asked me why I had sent someone stupid for an important task (dropping off the assignment)
i was upset and i ended up telling my bf what my parents said about him, and then he got upset too. he told me he spent the entire night thinking of whether he should just end the relationship for my sake, but he said he couldnt do it bc he loves me too much.
honestly, i've always had a gut feeling that my parents would never accept him bc of his mistakes, but i still cant bear to break up with him either...
so is it selfish of us to keep our relationship even though my family might never accept him? i love my family, they're strict and overprotective but theyre my family. is it immature and selfish of me to want to stay with him?
It's obvious that your folks don't care for this guy and it's likely that they never will. That being said, is this relationship serious enough that you are willing to live with the constant disagreements with your parents?
This is something that you will have to decide for yourself.
Your parents are looking at qualities of a good man: reliability, maturity, thoughtfulness, organized, good career. Because of his past history they don’t see these good qualities in him.
Think of what you want in five years. Will he be a good provider and father? Does he have a good career path ahead of him? Is he independent and able to take care of himself? These are all things that you need to look for in a husband.
Having a boyfriend is often just a fun time when you are young. You need to figure out if he is just a fun thing right now or if he is husband material.