Guy needs a relationship advice, please help!
Hi, I met this girl 7 years ago in college I fell for her and expressed my feelings for her.. soon we were in a relationship, she is kind of an extrovert open minded and fun loving person and gets along pretty well with most people!
I am an introvert and i would like to call myself focused person.
Our relationship was pretty fine we both loved each other, she loves to eat out, have fun and splurge money unnecessarily, I did not liked her behavior as she transformed herself from a lean girl I met in college to a borderline obese girl which enjoys food over anything else..
We had regular fights due to our poles apart nature and habbits, I am just a normal person who like to workout 5days a week atleast, I made her join various gyms which she left right after paying the fees. She hardly went for 5 days after paying fees of 3-6 months, till now she has done nothing after promising me million times that she would change herself and her habbits..
As time passed i got anger issues as I got fed up of her behavior,as the relationship got abusive she even cheated me and left me thrice and came back begging to me. I accepted her each time as she was my first love and I wanted her to do good in life. And I also accepted her as she promised me to Change..
Often she says she cheated me because I wasn't have anger issues and I try to fix/control her life.
I trust her now that she won't cheat again and she so realise her mistake, but the problem has not been solved yet...we fight every other day due to the same old reasons, she says I am a control freak and I want to Change her as I don't accept her wrong attitude.
She has a family history of diabetes, blood pressure issues and she herself is obese with PCOS and liver problems but she does not do anything about it.
She always has a financial crunch and has no savings left, partly due to she is the sole bread earner for her family.
I support her in life through thick and thin.. Im also trying to deal with my own life problems, anger issues due to the frustration I get.
I also believe my family would not approve of her and her behavior,her family and friends think I am a rude egoistic person as I don't like her childish silly behavior we both are in our late twenties and I think by now we should be responsible for our life, finances and health.
I want her to be little mature, get into a fitness lifestyle, dump those 4-5 credit cards and live a classy life ahead
I have been through a lot, I still want her to fix her life and live happily with me.
I have already forgiven her cheating, it is not relevant now to me, I just wrote to give a better understanding.
I love her.. but I used to love Hera lot when we firstmet and I have changed a bit as things were not going on as I have imagined.
Please suggest what should I do.
That’s quite a list of things that you want her to do before you were satisfied.
Right or wrong that list is affecting your relationship.
You are going to have to decide how much power that list has in your future. What if she doesn’t change in the next five or 10 years? Are you going to be able to live with that? You are going to have to decide if any of these things are a dealbreaker for being able to continue into the future.
If she isn't changing for herself, she certainly isn't going to change for you. If you're unable to accept her as she is, let her go so you can both move on. Unless she wants to make those changes for herself, they won't stick. She has to want to change for her own reasons. You can't drag someone else along your "improvement plan" until you're satisfied with who they are as a human being. If you don't want to live with someone with those traits, then don't. But stop resenting her for being who she is. She may not live the way you think she "should", but it's her life. Leave her to it.
If you want him to change then don't push him too much. Just tell him where she can change his bad habits into good habits then help him to change. If she loves to eat unhealthy food instead of instantly stop him to eat. Just tell him we can make food together at home instead to buy the readyfood. If she just leave the classes between four to five days. Then join the classes together if both of you going together in classes then she can't refuse to go to classes. If she don't like gyms and you want her to stay fit then told her to join online dance classes which is healthy and fun way to stay healthy. Even you can take couple online dance classes which motivates her to continue in the class with the support.