Needing sincere advice please
I am having some concerns regarding my recent relationship. My fiance and I have been together for under a year. He has jumped into relationships in the past, I haven't since I was younger.
When we first met we spent every weekend together and an hour or so during the week. He started pushing to move in together because of distance and his job. Against my better judgment I agreed.
Now, after living together for 3 months he doesn't seem to want to do anything with me. He works during the day, sometimes long hours. He sometimes plays golf after work and always on the weekends. Goes to the casino or out with friends. He was doing these things with me at first but now he makes excuses why I can't.
When we've talked about it before he says he doesn't ask me if I want to do anything because he knows I will. He says he doesnt understand why I am feeling blown off. The few times we've gone out recently it's been what he wants to do and he gets an attitude when I want to do something different. Almost like he's being put off by me going with him. The very last time we went out we argued and it was miserable for both of us.
I encourage him to do things he likes with other people too. I've never felt it was good to be on top of each other all the time. However, he has made some terrible financial decisions with his hobbies and interests and has even lied to me about them because he knew I'd be upset.
I am a stay at home mom right now and we share a vehicle, the vehicle I has before we met. I get irritated because he always takes the vehicle to go do things which leaves me stuck at home 7 days a week. Even on the weekends he leaves in the mornings and doesn't do anything in the evenings with me.
I do love him and he tells me he loves me and I see that he loves me most of the time. He's even made noticeable efforts in other areas of our relationship. I want this to work. However, I've always had a very high standard when it comes to how people treat me and I have never been in the habit of chasing someone or convincing them to be around me. I tried to communicate these problems with him but now I'm to the point where I just feel awkward about it and defeated. I feel like I'm his free time when he has nothing else to do but as soon as anything else comes up he's gone.
Please, if anyone has any advice or experience with this, I'm in serious need of some direction. Also, I'm not so sure if I'm right in feeling the way I do about it...
It would seem that he is not willing to settle down with a ready-made wife and child. It doesn’t seem that he has bonded to you and your child. Or things are different than what he thought it was going to be.
Perhaps he is too immature or just not ready for that role. If you need that in your life then you need to press on. It really doesn’t sound like he even knows how to change to satisfy you. He can’t or won’t see your needs. Don’t be angry at him a lot of guys couldn’t take all that on. You are going to have to very gently let him go and keep your eye out for a different kind of man. Just my opinion but I don’t see him getting better about fulfilling your needs.
He may even be waiting for you to make the first move for this break up.
See I would almost agree except he has been in a long term relationship before and has children. I actually tried to discourage him from wanting us to move in together for that reason. My life and child aren't his responsibility but he assured me this is what he wanted. Now I'm feeling like maybe he wasn't so sure and spoke ahead of himself.
What was the reason for the break up of his previous relationship?
His part, the marriage was pressured by an outward entity, money,addiction, and pride. Her part, cheating, lying, and manipulating. Basically, it was mutually toxic. I am always sceptical when it comes to the reason "why" regarding a break up, bc people lie. And some never realize their part. However, both have been very upfront and honest about the problems and mistakes.
You're unhappy and rightfully so. You've told him you're unhappy. He seems unwilling to change how he treats you despite you being clear that you're not okay with it. He's leaving you without transportation that belongs to you, then gets huffy about doing things together unless it's of his choosing? You don't have one child, you have two. If your needs aren't a priority this early on, expect it to get much worse. Not better. Have another talk with him and make sure he knows you are not going to accept his disregard for you and your needs/wants. His reaction will give you the answer. If he'd rather lose you than think about what you may want? Good riddance.