No marriage proposal, what would you do?
We have been together for 4yrs we have a 1yr old I wanted to talk about marriage and he doesn't want to. I am hurt and broken and he says its not me that its him. He cant promise that commitment to me ever pretty much. I am currently packing my stuff😥 its awful that whatever it is it is stronger than him caring about us his family. He says it means total control of the other person when you marry its so negative. I have been talking to him for a month and nothing promising comes out of his mouth. He doesnt suggest me giving him time or anything. Im at a loss but I need to leave because this is his house and I have nothing. I cant stay here and move forward with anything because its like its him and us but not like a family. We live together and are like we are married but we arent.. idk why its so bad me loving him that much that I saw him like my husband and would like to make that reality. He is a kind sweet person and father. But I want marriage and need to find it with someone else to complete my family then.. he has not put the house under the baby's name its weird. If anything were to happen to him it would be his mom's. All my stuff is in here. Its odd. If he didn't want commitment he should have told me before getting pregnant it was no accident we talked about it. He had never lived with a girl or had a serious relationship and he is 10yrs younger than me. He is mature and has a good job and so am I I have a career for 20yrs now. I don't understand.i told him he could have had a baby with anyone or adopted one instead of me going through all that. He should have let me go a long time ago. He doesn't want me to go and he says he loves me
But to me its like he is telling me stay with me here at my house on my terms. It doesnt work that way its us not me or not you, its "us".
Oh well it hurts to go and move on specially with a 1yr old when I wanted to do things right. I am serious about our relationship, have a job to help, i am not out cheating, a good mother and a good partner to him. It must not be enough. I dont get it! What would you do??
Is this a financial issue with him? Does he have a business or assets that he is afraid of losing? Is there family pressure to not marry?
What he says doesn’t match what he is doing.
Exactly what he does doesn't match there are no financial issues but after these few days talking with him I think I have figured it out and I decided the relationship is not for me either anymore. I tried but he has put me 2nd to everyone and everything since we have been together. I am always second to his family and his family sees him as just him as well and not us. I am not important in any decisions.
I value myself more than that so I need a good partner that knows the value of his family. Its very interesting but he is willing to lose his family which is myself and his son for possible future things that his family such as mother, sister, brother want him to do.
For example thanksgiving his sister and family of 5 decided to come down from florida and told him they were staying with us. I told him I was scared with pandemic we have the baby and my daughter so there would be 9 at the house and they didn't quarantine and i was freaking out. I didnt want anyone to get sick. They make about $220,000/year between her husband and her they could have rented a hotel instead of exposing us and the baby. My opinion didnt matter because it was what his sister wanted. I said ill go to my moms for 3 weeks he said ok. That is not ok having your partner and child leave and be uncomfortable somewhere because your sister is more important. I didn't tell hi
Be a jerk and tell her no. Explain right to her its a pandemic we dont want anyone to get sick. Why would she even put anyome in that predicament? But who cares about me and the baby they are 1st..
So i am happy with my decision to move out now
Be sure that you have legal protection - he is obligated for child support.
Good luck. You will face this heartache with courage, for sure.
Thank you so much for advice I appreciate it. I will be ok and I will move forward positively.
Yes girl i also advice that you move out, your self worth is much more. Im sure you will find someone who will adore you and commit.... All the best
Thank you Shellz!
Now that I am packing more of my stuff he tells me that he didn't mean that he would never get married with me maybe later. To me that tells me to stay on his terms and see if he ever wants to and never do anything for myself and still be put 2nd to other things. Its his house anytime he can tell me to get out or I will feel like I am nothing here. I love him but sometimes decisions have to be made with ones head/brain not heart or emotions.. So me put 100% into relationship and him 50% how is that ok?? Wow
Continue on with your plans. Don’t pay any attention to what he says - remember his actions.