Texting but not planning dates: why do men do this?
I'm a single mom officially divorced and separated since two years. Dating has been quite frustrating. I was with someone for a year who ended up not liking my children. We broke up seven months ago, and I've struggled through online dating the past months.
I am noticing that some guys have a tendency of texting frequently (if not all day long), but rarely planning dates. Back in September I met a guy: first great date, lots of chemistry, texting all day long. But then getting him to want to see me again was like pulling teeth. I let him go after we only saw each other three times in two months, and that I realized that he was not emotionally available and that he was also a workaholic.
Then met this other guy. Same thing. Great first date. He started texting all day long as well. Took a while to set up another date, and again, getting him to see me in person was like pulling teeth. But in his texts he was a very smooth talker, telling me things like "wouldn't it be so great if we got married?".This went on for 3 months until I finally confronted him and he admitted to being indecisive because his separation from his ex was so recent (6 months) and he was still mourning the loss.
About a month ago I met another man. Again, first great date. At the end of the date he said that he had a great time and that he wanted to see me again. He quickly followed up the next morning with a text suggesting to meet later in the week. I thought: "Wow, finally someone that is not like the others!". We had a second date and it was amazing. We really hit it off I thought. Then the following week he said he was super busy and couldn't meet me. He explained that he was finishing a big contract and that he had to go see his mother over the weekend because it was her birthday. I said: "No problem I understand. Don't worry about it. Life gets busy sometimes, I get that. I will take the hint though if you're repeatedly unavailable to meet me", and added a smiley face or something. He assured me that wasn't the case, and that he REALLY wanted to see me. The following week, he planned not only one date but two. "To make up for last week" he said. Again, we had a really great time. When I texted him over the weekend to ask "just planning my weekly schedule. Will I be seeing you this week?" he said that he would have to check his ex's schedule (for the daughter) and got back to me saying: can we do lunch maybe? I was disappointed, but said ok. But then he didn't bring up lunch again, nor any other dates for that matter. But he still texts me Good morning every day, and Good night every evening, and sends me texts with pictures of what he is doing and of his daughter throughout the day.
I am so confused. Will this also follow the pattern of the other guys? I don't understand how this keeps happening. I tried to figure out if it was somehow my own doing, but I don't feel that is the case. I know that I am a pretty fun person to go on dates with. I can keep up with pretty much any conversation topic, and I make an effort to ask lots of questions, show interest and get to know them. I also know that men find me attractive, so don't think that is an issue. I also don't feel that I come off as too needy or clingy. I am very careful at not overwhelming men with text messages, especially throughout the day. I will reply quickly if I receive a text from them, but am otherwise trying to keep a balance between frequency, content etc. I am very self aware when it comes to those things. I try to be cheery, fun and relaxed in my communications.
Just feeling a bit discouraged. It's so much energy with very little results.
That sounds crazy, wow I got divorced 4yrs ago and have been with my bf since. Long story how that happened so quickly. Anyway 4yrs fast forward looks like I am headed to being single again soon. I am not looking forward to dating now reading your problem😞 we have a 1yr old so it won't be easy either...
I hope it gets better for you! Maybe it hasn't been the one yet but it does sound like too much work that I am not ready for..
Sharpen your “ screening” skills.
6 months since breakup? Not ready
Too busy to make time for you? Not ready
Turned off by kids? Definitely Not Ready
You sound like you are at a different stage from the men you are seeing. Ask more questions!
Good luck. I know this can be depressing. You will find someone in the least expected place.