Falling out of love
SOMEONE02 - Feb 14 2021 at 20:15
I recently found this forum so I decided to ask for some advice here. I am a girl, 18 years old and currently I am in a relationship with a really sweet guy. To mention, I’ve never had a boyfriend before so he is my first one.
He is a really nice person, he is sweet, caring, he keeps showing me the perfect amount of love and everything else is just perfect. The problem is that I am having second thoughts and I feel like I did not make the right decision to be with him. I feel like I am falling out of love with him and I am unsure what to do. He noticed my strange behaviour and I keep on telling him that I simply don’t feel like myself. Of course he understands and he’s being very supportive but I am still feeling like he is not the right one for me. I would really need some advice on what to do in this situation. I am afraid to hurt his feelings because he has already been hurt before and he is really fragile when it comes to love. I am trying to tell myself that he is the guy any girl would want but I simply feel like he is not the right one for me. I mentioned before, it is my first relationship and I feel stressed and overwhelmed because I also feel like I am not ready for a relationship yet. I don’t want to sound selfish or anything like that and I definitely don’t take advantage of his love (if that makes sense) but the feeling is unexplainable, I am simply scared to talk to him because I know it would hurt him a lot. I also tried to talk to some close people that I have and get some advice from them but they all love him so much, it feels like they wouldn’t support me.
At this point I feel devastated, I constantly think what to do about this relationship but nothing ever comes to my mind. It went so far that I feel mad and sad almost all the time. I lost my motivation and everything.
If anyone has any advice, it would really come in handy. Thanks.
I apologize for my bad english, it is not my first language.
I think you might be overthinking this situation. I'm saying you shouldn't listen to yourself and trust your inner self, but it's almost like it doesn't matter who the guy is because you would feel this way anyway. This is your first real boyfriend and I would imagine that it's a little overwhelming because you aren't used to that type of relationship. When have you ever been committed to a person in the way you are committed to your boyfriend? In other words, it's new to you so frankly its actually kind of normal to be feeling like this isn't right. I'm assuming at this point in your relationship you are just getting over the honeymoon phase which means you're actually going to think hard about the relationship. If this guy is as good as you make him out to be then I think you need to give him a shot and remember that NO relationship is perfect and there will be bumps in the road. Too often these days people are just discarding their relationships for the smallest of reasons. Also it's nice that you want to spare his feelings, but you need to be honest with him and maybe talk about this with him. It is definitely the hardest option, but it is also the best option. Because he was treated you so well and has done everything a good boyfriend would do you owe it to him and yourself to be truthful. There are few worse transgressions than stringing somebody along who you don't really love or want to be with, so the worst thing you can do is hide it from him especially since he knows something is awry. Relationships-even new ones-should be about two people going in the same direction together it's time to figure out if this guy should be moving alongside of you, once you the answer to that question you will be a lot happier no matter what the answer is. Good Luck
Edit: I'm NOT saying you shouldn't listen to yourself and trust your inner self
If your gut instinct is telling you that he's not the right guy regardless of how good he is, then you need to listen to it. If this guy did it for you in everyway, you would be accepting all of him without the doubt. You need to talk to him particularly when he senses that something is wrong. You can help him to understand the issue better if you discuss it with him directly without mincing words.
Relationships work when both partners are happy and content and if you're not happy, then your relationship will eventually break down. It's not so much the want, rather it's the need to be with him and if you don't have that need, regardless of how caring and sweet he is, then you're in denial staying with him.
It's not about being selfish, it's about being true to yourself.