Am I being unreasonable?
I am 29 and was recently told by my doctor that due to a pre-existing condition I am not ovulating, and if I want to conceive I will need to be referred to a fertility clinic for treatment. I understand that in the UK, you need to be trying for a baby for 12 months before a GP will approve a referral, but the doctor said she would push for one now if I wanted. I desperately want this referral because being a mother means everything to me.
I explained to my partner the situation but he doesn’t want to go ahead with the referral just yet, but wants to wait until he finishes writing his book, become published and hopefully be more financially stable. He keeps telling me he wants children with me, but because of his writing, he cannot give me a time frame of when he will ‘be ready’. He has said there is no changing his mind on this matter.
I am afraid that if I refuse this referral and wait for him, my opportunity will be missed and I will never have a child. Fertility journeys can take years, and being 29 and having it confirmed that I am not ovulating, I just feel in my gut that now is the time to accept this opportunity and start this journey.
Am I being unreasonable in wanting him to compromise and agree to this referral or am I expected to sit back and wait as my dreams go further away?
You are not being unreasonable. Take it from me, if you wait until it's too late to have children, you will regret it.
I think there should be a compromise here. It shouldn’t be he gets the last say and that’s it. That’s shutting you down. He’s doing what he wants (that could take a long time), but it’s also about you too.
I don’t know much about IVF, but it still might take a little while to get an appointment, even if the referral was made now.
It sounds like this needs to be discussed more.
Even if we think we are “ ready” we really aren’t. ( No operational manual comes with kids and they change your life immensely)
Look at this guy closely and see if he will be a good father and husband to you. If he’s distracted by his own life goals, there may not be room for a wife AND child.
Couples counseling would be a good idea. Your clock is ticking and if you have to act alone to have your child, then you need a solid plan - with or without him.