I don't get my in laws!
HERECOMESTHESUN21 - Mar 1 2021 at 23:46
So, ive been with my husband since we was 16/17 years old which during that time, he hasn't had a very close relationship with his mom due to his childhood with his step dad. He has a younger half sister who he isn't really close with either. Now, since being pregnant, all of a sudden they want to be involved and I just don't understand why. Since we have been living together (9 years), they rarely visited and on some occasions wouldn't even text happy birthday.
So when I fell pregnant, it felt overwhelming as they wanted to buy everything, would text regularly to see how I was and keep saying how much they want to be a big part of our babys life. After finding out we was having a girl, my god, they screamed with delight as the first thing they said was "all girls want a pony". So they own stables and their own kids riding school and tried to push my husband when he was a kid into horses but he had no interest. His sister works in the business and thats literally their life..shes not been able to hold a relationship due to her horse commitments but she also still acts like a girl who's at school who will get attached with one friend and just talk about them. I'm worried how they might push horses onto my daughter when she's older as they will tall about when she'll be able to ride and getting her a pony too.
Anyway, his sisters texting was getting abit too much and I was getting worried how much they would visit once my daughter arrived as mentioned before, my husband isn't very close as they aren't the most approachable folks so I don't feel like myself around them but luckily we went into lockdown.
During the times lockdown has been lifted where they have been able to visit, its been once every week of his mom and sister even though he was alot closer with his nan and grandad...but saying that, his grandparents will also go on about how excited his sister is to do this and that with my daughter that sometimes it's felt as though I've just had a baby for her. They do treat his sister like a spoilt brat where she's always got what she's wanted. But theres been times where they would just walk in the house to go straight to my baby and not even said hello to me...literally making me feel invisible.
As we have got back into lockdown, this has been the longest they haven't seen her. They was granted an excuse to do a doorstep visit recently to drop off my birthday card for my 30th birthday which they've never bothered to do before but I know it wasn't really about seeing me but to see my baby as they didn't really wish me a happy birthday or even ask how I was spending my day...im pretty positive that if we didnt have a baby, I wouldn't of heard from them. So as I post on Instagram which his sister follows me on, she'll like every post about my daughter but won't if its about anything else.
I just honestly don't know what to think about it and can't get my head round why they haven't been bothered all this time when it was just me and my husband and now we have a baby, they want to be a big part of her life...
Honestly, to me, it sounds like they are trying to bring everyone closer together. It is possible that you having a child was a shock to their mentality, and it completely changed their opinions and encouraged them to make this family whole again.
As they still seem a little awkward around you guys, but not the baby, they may still be struggling with how to interact with the 2 of you as they hadn't in such a long time.
My advice would be to try and work at bringing the family together.......BUT make sure to stay around your baby during their interactions, as maybe they haven't changed that much and you might not appreciate the way that they interact with her.
I think they need to make an effort with you both first. Its about all of you. It’s pretty insulting and disrespectful that they didn’t have much to do with you both and now all of a sudden they do because they want a relationship with your baby.
This does go back in to your husbands childhood and it depends how he feels about this and if the relationship with his mum, sister and step dad. It depends how toxic it was and if anything needs to be acknowledged.
Maybe his mum and dad are trying to bring everyone closer but it doesn’t like their way is the right way.
I’d talk about it with your husband and set boundaries and what your both comfortable with whilst still in lockdown, otherwise they could start making demands as soon as they are able to see you all.