Hey guys, I want to thank whoever reads this firstly. Second, I am a person with many flaws and have made many mistakes. Lastly, I am very confused on how to go about doing anything anymore. Questioning everything.
I am 23. I am a mother to a 5 year old and I have been married for 9 years. For a long time all I wanted was a job. To feel worth something, making money made me feel some self worth. My husband and his family ignored me when I would talk about ever getting a job. My father in law laughed and told me that I needed to stay at home and keep up the house.
He would make comments about how every marriage where the woman goes to work would end. How it's a terrible idea for a woman to ever be allowed to work. He instead told me in front of his son (my husband) that If I did get a job, it should be things women are known to do. Such as babysitting, cleaning, or healthcare. I got tired of wasting time and life cleaning the house and taking care of our child without any appreciation.
A few years ago in 2017, my husband had quit his job. I saw an opportunity to finally get my first job and prove that I could work just as hard as a anyone else if people in my life would just let me have a chance. I asked my husband if he would let me try, he said he didn't care. I applied at seven different places. I patiently waited, so thankful and hopeful. I got a call from one of the places that same day.
It's a small town so everyone knows one another one way or the other. I was overjoyed when I saw the phone number. I was so greatful for the chance to finally be here. When I answered, I was asked about what happened to my husband's job. Then I was asked if they could speak with him a minute. When he got off the phone, he was beaming. He got the job..
He said, "Well, now you don't have to worry about it, you can stay home until our little one gets in school!". I was crushed. Feeling trapped yet again. No respect or apparition. Just expectations on me. Fell into a deep depression and drank heavier than ever before.
My husband got fired in late April of 2020. I asked yet again to have a chance. Our child is in school, he didn't have to do anything like I did. He could just take my place. He gave in, not easy. I asked that he didn't put in any applications and deny anything offered to him. He did. By then, I was a recent recovering alcoholic. Was drinking about two pints of vodka a day or every other day. Was in a steep depression.
I was offered a job and of course I happily accepted. I got my first job in late May early June of 2020. Working in a factory. I quit drinking, and focused on being the best worker I could be. Made a few friends. My husband was still very controlling. Worried I would get a drink on the way home or before work. So he started taking my vehicle and driving me back and forth to work. Driving alone was the only time I had time alone to myself. Had time to vent and listen to music. To think to myself.
I eventually started expressing this overwhelming problem to one of my coworkers. He agreed that it wasn't right. Eventually I was considering leaving my husband, I Was slowly falling for my coworker. I expressed my irritation to my husband and told him that I can't be treated like this any longer. He agreed that he has got to stop or I will leave. I told this to my coworker, he got upset because I continued to stay with my husband.
He started spreading very degrading rumors about me. Everything I shared with him. Eventually, my husband started working with me in the same factory. I had reported my coworker several times and the plant manager said there is nothing they can do about rumors. I continued to ignore everything the best I could.
In late February of this year, my supervisor came up to me while I was working and said I needed to stop spreading rumors and focus on work. I was shocked and livid. At lunch I decided I was going to leave and not come back. I got a phone call from my husband at work saying our supervisor is going to fire me if I don't show back up. My husband told me that I need to go home and not come back. That this job was affecting me terribly and I should quit. I took this as an insult, not only from my supervisor, but from my husband. I felt as though he knew I was hanging off a cliff and he was trying to push me off and trap me again.
So I told him I would be there. Was pissed off because my coworker could say anything about me and they said they couldn't do anything about it, but if they ever thought I was saying anything I would get my ass chewed. So I figured I would stop at the liquor store and get me a pint of taka vodka. Liquid courage. Drank some before I pulled into the parking lot. Went inside and chewed my supervisors ass. Got fired. It's bad I know. But I wanted to end it with my supervisor knowing how wrong it was and how I felt.
My husband is happy I am back at the house again and has taken my vehicle so I can't even drop off and pick up my daughter from school. Can't get out at all. He doesn't want me getting a job again. His parents are picking up and dropping off my daughter in order to make sure I have no excuse for leaving the house. I am trapped...
This sounds made up. You being married at the age of 14 is a big red flag for me. And the few countries that would support that certainly wouldn't allow you to back talk your husband or work.
But assuming it is true, I suggest you seek therapy. It appears as though your mind is everywhere and you very much so act on your whims and without responsibility. You bad-mouth your husband at work, start liking the idea of having an affair and tearing your family apart. There may be a valid reason the family tries to keep you close to home.
I understand. It's true, I was signed away at 14. I had turned 15 when I was married. My parents signed over guardianship to him. It wasn't my husband I yelled at. It was my supervisor. I never had an affair but my coworker was trying his hardest to have me leave my husband for him. I told him I never would. That's why he got so mad and decided to tell everyone that I had done things that I never did. I had actually decided today that I need help. I want to thank you for reading and responding. I do appreciate your time and thoughts.
My first thought is that you need to handle the drinking problem. 2 pints of vodka a day is A LOT. And needing a pint of vodka to have a discussion is also a LOT. (Honestly, if true, I'm kind of amazed you're alive after drinking a pint of vodka. I suspect I would not be.)
But I'd argue that has to be priority #1. Stop drinking. Get what help you can for that.
I think once you're no longer drinking, you'll find it easier to do things like get (and keep) a job. (And it'll also help you see things more clearly. While your husband sounds controlling, I, too, would be worried if my spouse was drinking *that much*.)
I agree and am currently getting help with my drinking problem. I appreciate your response and support. I completely agree that it would do me alot better if I stay away from the drinks and focus on my family and better myself for them
Actually, your family and work people seem dysfunctional and from another era ( like the 40’s or 50’s) or a repressive culture.
Stop the drinking so you can see clearly. Good luck.
This is very true, I have and will continue to move forward, and thank you!