Boyfriend recreationally does cocaine. I can't handle it.
Hello. Looking for advice. I've been with my boyfriend for 11 years. Hes now 32 and I am 29. About 3 years into our relationship I found out he did cocaine everytime we were drinking. Eventually we broke up over it as he continued to hide it. We got back together 8 months later which was was 5 years ago now. Over the years he's continued to lie to me about drugs. Mostly by omission but there has been times where I've asked him if he's done it and he's straight up said no when he has. Hes definitley decreased his usage but we also dont go out and party and drink like we did when we were younger but all his friends still do it pretty much everytime they drink. Last year I found out he hid it from me again so we had another blow out followed by what I thought was a very good conversation. I explained that im am not okay with recreational drug use and if he wants to continue this lifestyle then let me know and we can break up and move forward. He told me he didn't want to break up and he would change(for the millionth time). I told him honesty was the most important thing to me and if he makes a mistake and does choose to do drugs please just be honest and let me know and we can move forward but if I find out he lies to me I'll leave because I can't take the lies anymore. He promised he would. Back in Oct he did it but he told me. There was no big fight we talked and moved forward. But the other night he lied again about it by omission. When I confronted him he admitted to it but he wouldn't have told me if I didn't ask. He also gets really pissy when I do ask about it anytime he's not actually doing it. I understand it's recreational but I'm just really not down. I dont trust him anymore. I'm paranoid when he goes out what he's getting up to witb his friends. I can't stand being lied to about this crap anymore and it seems despite a million conversations about it and being better and not lieing he continues to do it. Im worried about out future. I do not want a husband or father to my future child that does cocaine even recreationally. I dont want to be at home with a 6 month old baby wondering what he's out doing and being lied to anymore because he's
He would have to give up “ the boys” and nights out too, and that’s probably more frightening to him than giving up the drugs itself.
What do the other women spouses think?
Only you can decide what the line in the sand is on this one. But you are right to look at the future and be concerned.
You can't handle his lying as well as his use of drugs which go hand in hand, and never mind if it's just recreational use. Your challenge is to accept that when he's out drinking, he'll do drugs without you having to ask him. He'll never change as your millionth conversation with him tells you.
If he doesn't share your plans and values, and trust is something that's 'gone out the window' because of his actions and ongoing behaviour, then it's your decision and your choice as to where your relationship is going. You either live with it or you don't. Likewise, after 11 years, your guy (even if he doesn't want to breakup) needs to make his own mind up about what's more important in his life...you or his lifestyle.
I say; Goodbye 👋🏼