No second chance

Posted by
BROOKLYNBC
on Aug 25 2012 at 06:05
Member since: 25 August 2012
Relationship advice forum category advice forum category I broke up with him july 7th because my friend put it in my mind that he didn't like me. So I gave her my facebook to message him that it was over. No that school has started back I see him, and I think that breaking-up with him was a mistake. I tell him what my friend did and I asked him if he wanted to start over with me. He said he had a girlfriend. A week later, he breaks-up with his girlfriend to ask out my bestfriend (not the friend that messaged him). I was upset because I thought he might come back for me. So my bestfriend said no, and told him that she knew how upset that made me. She randomly sends me a text a day later and she texted me his number and that she already told him i was about to text him. so i had no choice but to follow along. He told me that he couldn't go out with me because of a promise he made to his friend. and I asked him if we could be friends and he said " It's up to my friend and he says no". so I stopped texting him after that. But i have a class wit him so its really hard to avoid him. It was really a mistake. And i wonder what i did that made him not give me a second chance? What did i do?
Reply from
HELLO
on Aug 25 2012 at 19:26
Member since: 14 August 2012
Never rely on outside sources for what goes on in your relationship with your partner, that is one of the best ways to get a miscommunication out of it.

Like how your friend gave you the idea of how he didn't like you, regardless of his relationship with you at the time before you two broke up.

You probably have a better idea on what to do in your next relationship, but let's recap:

If ANY relationship means anything to you (boyfriend, girlfriend, family, friend), what you would have done instead of breaking up with them, is to TALK it out with them, and ask about their feelings before anything else.

It's quite childish and unreasonable to suddenly break it off with someone when they don't even know what they did wrong, or why, and it could be very damaging.

When you're in a relationship with someone, you must communicate thoroughly and clearly about your feelings as with theirs, and work out a solution where the both of you win.

What you could do now, is exactly what I stated above, you need to have a talk with him FACE TO FACE about this whole ordeal, because it seems to me that people outside of your relationship with him are tampering with it.

If he refuses to talk to you, then he's being immature as well. You must both be adults and stop using your friends as the middle man of handling the relationship -- it could only end disastrous this way.

Think of it this way:

If you one day get married, and you live with your husband, are you going to have your friends tell you what he's thinking about? Are they going to tell you what he's feeling when you're gone? -- Or how about his friends asking how you feel, and then giving a feedback to your husband about it? No, HECK no, and I'm sure you and your husband don't want that as well.

So, go on. Talk to him!

Tell him it's an honest mistake and that you should have known better to speak to him about it.

I would like to mention also, that your ex is pulling the same immaturity, probably in resentment of you for doing it in the first place.

You both must speak in honesty about everything -- what you think and feel -- and see where you both want to take the relationship if it could ever be fixed.

I personally think it could work out again, as long as he's willing, but at the same time, he jumped into two relationships after you (I'm thinking, to make you jealous, or because he was so hurt that he's rebounding, or he's just plain mad at you and wants to hurt you back, or perhaps he just likes to jump into many relationships).

Whatever it is, TALK to him so you both have a clear understanding of the whole situation, and how you both feel about each other.

Good luck, take care!

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