I've been with my partner for a little over 6 years, and I love him dearly. But over the last few months he's started going out most weekends and not coming home.
I know him and I trust him, so I know there is nothing 'bad' in a sense happening, i.e i know he's not cheating.
The problem is drinking. I like a drink, I'm sure we all do, but most of us know when to stop, or at least to come home to your partner right?
I understand there is an alcohol issue here, which we've touched on, and he is totally aware of. We've had many conversations which shows me he's aware of it. I've asked him if he needs help, but being a man, he believes he can handle it himself. I have offered to help, and he may stay in for 2 weekends, and then it's the same again, and the same arguments.
So where does that leave me? I've told him many times, that I wont tolerate it, yet he continues to do it.
I have told him i will leave if this continues, because this isn't how i pictured my life. Am I wrong on this? Am I being selfish?
I love him very much, ultimately I want to be with him, but not like this. i want to help him, but he's not helping himself. And it's starting to effect my mental health, with all the arguments and just feeling shit with it in general.
I dont really want to leave him, but I dont know what else I can do, is this it, do i have to just put up with it?
I'm starting to feel that he doesnt want us to be together anymore and this is his way of pushing me away, because I have told him I cannot tolerate it anymore, and so now hes doing it to push me, to make me leave him.
I dont want to stop him seeing his friends for "a pint" but it's never a pint. I know that's men. I just dont know what to do.
I am sorry you are going through this difficult situation. The problem with a situation like this is that there cannot be any half measures. What I mean by that is that if he truly has a drinking problem, he needs to stop completely, not only reduce it. He has made drinking his idol and is willing to sacrifice anything to it. So, if you truly think it is out of control, I think you need to ask him to stop entirely and get professional help. If it is not truly an alcoholism issue, you might need to take more steps, like tell him you are going to the pub with him. Or go to the pub after an hour to get him. I don't know - I am trying to think of a drastic step so that he will see the importance of this without you breaking up your marriage. If you think it is because he doesn't want to be with you, confront him with it. Best you know the truth instead of being misled.
It basically leaves you with the choice of living with an alcoholic and being selfish doesn't come into it. It's all good for him to admit that he has a drinking problem but when it starts to have a priority above you, then you know it's time for you to act. You can't help him, however how much you love him, as he has to do it himself. It's your choice whether you need to support him or leave and get on with your life however painful it will be to action.
[You can't help him, however how much you love him, as he has to do it himself. It's your choice whether you need to support him or leave and get on with your life however painful it will be to action.]
I agree with MANALONE.
Find an Alanon group. It’s free and people there meet to discuss how to survive a life impacted by another person’s drinking.
It’s not therapy but it’s very therapeutic.