We don't have sex and he doesn't make plans anymore
I have been with my partner for nearly 2 years. The first year was amazing, we travelled, went out all the time and spent time having a laugh and enjoying eachother. Since lockdown started though, it's been downhill.
We have sex once every 6 weeks and time in between nothing sensual happens, we dont sext or have even remotely sexual conversations. I miss him so much. What's worse is that when we do spend time together, it's usually in the car.
He lives with family as do I and it's not possible going over to eachothers place so instead we rely on booking places if we want to have sex which takes away from excitement of it all. Recently we have been fighting a lot and mostly it's my fault to begin with. I get insecure when he drinks with his friends.
He's assured me it's because there's no expectations with them, they can chill anywhere whereas with us the spaces are limited. This also pisses me off because when he drinks, he drinks for two days straight to the point where he's hungover the whole time. I'm scared he's not attracted to me anymore and that's whats causing this.
I feel pathetic when i question him on why there's no intimacy or plans and i know that drives him further away but I dont know what else to do. He tells me he loves me and wants to spend his life with me but how can I believe that if I don't feel wanted?
I don't know what to do. I don't want to lose him so all advice is appreciate.
Girl concentrate on your self and stop giving him the time of day, basically make him feel like he has to work for you and don’t you put out for him easy! Next time you see him just talk to him and don’t have sex! At all. Trust me he will start coming around! Also make him think you hang out with your friends also and have a blast, true or not it doesn’t matter, this is a game you must play if you want him to be interested in you again! And some times when he wants to sew you, say you are busy and that you need to see a friend etc... lol! You will drive him insane this way! Just don’t make him number 1 in your life unless he is willing to do the same.
Best Answer by Mona (Y) (A)
Oh! I thought they were both good, for together covering all angles. ...Depends on whether one has the confidence to outright show they won´t be treated that shoddily or would rather play games, really...which depends on your age/stage. If you´re under 25, fairenoughski, that's part of your relationship (and ego developing) practicing/experimenting, but otherwise, save your energy by sitting back, doing nothing, basically making no first moves whatsoever, including no longer automatically jumping to attention the minute he pings in, and basically giving him the stage to see EXACTLY how much effort he is prepared to make by your standards and practises. Time will quickly tell you all you need to know, without involving your mouth and pretenses.
After all, if you lie and fabricate you reduce yourself to the one whose very calibre you're criticising, and thereby your right to be the complainant - think about it. You don´t need to create false impressions, you just need to act like a self-respecting, self-esteeming woman who knows how much better she could do were we not lockdown slaves to whatever scarce company we can get (innit).
You don´t have to have or pretend to have a good social life to back you up regarding the right or wrong to be treated as someone's steady girlfriend. The fact the relationship is making you feel bad is enough in itself.: And that stands you were a buddhist living alone and isolated high up on a mountain one of those human statues you see in Covent Garden who daily talks to no-one and doesn´t so much as wiggle one finger, for all anyone cares: if you don´t like the way you´re being treated (and why would you!...I'd charge him and make him pre-pay next time, eh! :p), then you don´t like the way you´re being treated - end of.
You don´t have to prove that other people like and want you. You just have to know that because YOU would never treat a lover so shoddily, it´s not behaviour you´re prepared to tolerate so - "shape up or ship out, buddy!". Because, really, what´s the difference between someone who doesn´t answer a text or call attempt until they can be arsed (because they´re reading a book) or someone who doesn´t answer a text or call because they´re with friends? The point you´re SHOWING is 'I´m pissed off to the point where I´m not even sure I like you or prefer you to a book´.
It´s UGH, NOT IMPRESSED!, not BOO-HOO, WHY ARE YOU BEING NASTY TO MEEE, nor OTHER PEOPLE WAANT MEEE, MLEUGH. If he needs to always see other people want you before he'd be prepared to put in some proper effort and respect then - wouldn´t that mean you´d forever need a 2nd lover in your relationship and bed??
Some partners and wives are (made to feel) jealous of the guy's golf clubs or motorobike or gym membership, doncha know. You don´t need troops.
Anyhoo, do that and see and feel with your own eyes and ears JUST HOW MUCH he actually wants you and in what way(s).
PS regularly binge-drinking for 2 days straight is not normal. It´s called binge alcoholism (or on the way to)...which can turn previously okay boyfriends into giant p*icks, pretty damned quickly. Mind you, you DID say is started with Lockdown so... seems he isn´t that mature or strong and needs an (big) escape. You might want also to see whether he starts to come out of it as lockdown eases.
PS if you want a really exciting, sensational but not over-dramatic, really meaty and involving book that genuinely IS almost impossible to put down (even when Mr Stinkypants tries to call), I thoroughly recommend Wild Swans by Jung Chang. A really hard-hitting but fascinating true story of three generations of (abused) women in (abusive) China pre- and during Mao's reign. I was SO crushed when I came to the end that I literally felt like crying... Never had that before (or since). So don´t be put off by the fact it´s really thick. Trust me - it´s not thick enough!
And psst! It´s far more insulting to hear your gf say, 'Oh, yeah, sorry, I was so engrossed in my book that I didn´t hear your ping'. I mean, it's one thing to come second in a queue of people but A BOOK!?! (insert evil cackle)