No intellectually stimulating conversations with partner
My partner and I have been together over 3 years but on and off for a little over a year. We don't live together.
There's been a lot of issues we've been trying to work on, however a few remain still.
1. No intellectual/ deep conversations..
We've had 1 deep conversation at the begining of our relationship and that was one he brought up about his ex.
We've had none since, I've made it clear so many times I need conversation and deep one's. Not just to sit and watch telly.
However, this has yet to happen.
2. No act of service or 'planned dates'
So we used to date and go to the pub when we were first together, however this isn't my cup of tea so to speak. We've also been to the cinema a few times. But that dwindled within the first year and a half.
Things started to get really tough and I left a few times where my boundaries were crossed and behaviours displayed made me feel uneasy.
We rarely eat together and when we do it's take away foods.
We don't go out together (even for a walk) lockdown obviously has contributed to this.
Recently I've invited him round when I've had a bonfire in the garden (with my son) and when I had a child free 24 hours.
Although the child free time was for me to mainly catch up on my studies.
I carved out a few hours of my time to spend with him still and work on our connection.
However, no matter how much we tried no deep conversations came of it.
(he stayed the night for the first time in months).
In the morning we didn't eat breakfast together, he mostly stayed in bed untill he left at around 11am. Firstly I sat next to him after feeling really weighed down and ended up snapping at things he said because I just didn't agree with them or the small talk. Then I sat there and done some of my studying....
I need more and he knows it, yet it's like we have completely different values and outlooks on life.
I'm just not sure I can keep going on like this.
After he left the small talk via messaging began again and I expressed that I'd rather have deep conversations (not all the time but maybe once a week for a while) and since then we've barely spoken.
I've now left the ball in his court. I've expressed so many times recently that I'd like a phone call when we're not seeing each other for a few days and deep conversations to build that connection. Date nights where we plan to do something other than watch TV. Yet, I've planned then in the past and now I've stopped, nothing.
Can 2 fundamentally different people really work long term?
I like home cooked meals, fruit and veg. He lives off rustlers burgers processed oven foods and take away.
He spends his spare time watching telly and playing on the ex box. I spend my spare time contemplating life, learning new things, gardening, reading, meditating and watching telly.
I don't follow social norms so to speak and he sort of does.
I don't have a 9-5 or the equivalent, I have a part time job, home educate my child and studying most evenings.
I just don't see how our lives fit together long term.
Thank you for reading
Interesting and besides the non intelectual conversation that you do not like , what are the qualities you like about him?
He's a great dad, hard working, funny, layed back, trustworthy and he accepts me for me. I'm just not sure I can build a life with someone without the deeper conversations. I can accept the difference in hobbies but not lack of quality time.
Is it a matter of us being too different to be together or can compromise work for us to be happy together
If you're needs aren't being met and he shows no interest in meeting them, you have your answer. This sounds like you're just his companion and that's all he needs and wants. With no real conversation, this wouldn't even feel like a real friendship to me, let alone anything beyond that.