I dont know what to do with my life anymore
I dont even know how to start, and my english isn't the best.
This all started a year ago. I had a long term relationship with my boyfriend who I still currently live with. Things started to get different from me. I just didnt love him anymore, not like I used to. I didnt feel like doing sex or kiss him. So I open up with him and told him the truth. But we didnt broke up, because we decided that we wanted to give it like a last try.
I seriously dont have any complaints about him, except sex isnt good. The rest is just perfect. He is literally my bestfriend and I care a lot about him, and him likewise. And I feel really bad with myself for not liking him anymore.
But this was just the start of my problems.
I had this close friend at work. We got along really well, even tho we are complete opposites. Im an introvert and I love video games but he is an extrovert and likes to go out and be with friends.
One day we where hanging out after work and he literally forced himself on me and kissed me. I was confused and scared. I couldnt look him in the eyes and honestly. I felt so dirty with myself because I didnt stopped him. Its like my brain froze at that time.
Fast forward to the future, we got some time away during first quarentine. And then we got to work together again. Things where awkward at first, he said he was sorry.
But we started like meeting each other like friends do. And we used to do. And it all happened naturally.
We started like this weird dating relationship and I betrayed my bf not just one time.
Later I decided that the best was just breaking of my relationship since obviously i would just making him suffer.
The other guy is literally all over me, and sex is great but I dont like him. Not in that way.
Now I just feel like isolating myself and sleep all day. I dont want one or the other and I cant stop feeling like crap. Because i literally gave hope two too people at once even tho I didnt even knew how i felt..
Depression is hitting me hard and there are days when I just want to stop breathing.
Now i feel the most lonely I felt in my life.
My ex is moving out and I lost 2 of my best friends.. :c and my contract at work is almost over too.
I dont know what to do with my life. I feel like I wanna curl up in a ball in my little corner and disappear.
1st of all I personally love your honesty my friend that you open up and told "him" the truth .....
now lest talk about Your Problem So my Friend its a common issue so don't feel bad about your self !!!
you are just stuck between "NEED and WANT" you are unable to decide and 2nd you worry about other people that what they feel and what they think about your self ....
So my Friend you need time for your self these all stuff mess up in your mind take a vacations ( better to go somewhere far away ) and in that time no need to think about your meters just eat and enjoy movies or games and sleep and add one exercise in your life style "meditation "its hard but not impossible
with this treatment you'll gain back your self confidence and decision power and every thing is gonna be crystal clear that what you want to do
"it's sound silly but trust me its work"
Bless you ....