Did I get married too young?
My husband and I met when I was 16 and we started dating when I was 18. After I moved to his town, we lived together for 2 years, then got married when I was 20. I don't regret our marriage because he really is my best friend, but I worry that we met too early in life or something. We do not have any children because I'd like for my husband to work out his alcohol problem before we bring kids into the picture.
Him and I really like a lot of the same things and we've been together for a total of 6 years now. At this point I'm starting to regret not doing things that I wanted to do, but I don't have the courage to just drop my happy marriage to pursue those things (traveling, med school, etc). Aside from my boredom with everyday life, I also have a crush on a coworker, which has not helped matters any. For all the time we've been together, my eyes have never wandered like this. My coworker travels, wants to live in different cities, and always looks so well put together. Whereas my husband has let himself go quite a bit, hates traveling, and refuses to move away from his hometown.
I can't help but fantasize about what life would be like with my coworker, but I know I want to spend the rest of my life with my husband.The coworker that I have a crush on has 0 interest in me as a person I'm sure and he's very out of my league despite us both being awkward, but I still think about him a lot. He's nice to me though and my husband doesn't show me as much affection as I like. We definitely have different love languages but it's hard to translate and I end up feeling so touch-starved.
My husband seems angry from the outside but can be very sweet, however, and we've been together my entire adult life so I don't really know what life would be like without him. For the past year I've felt less and less attracted to him and it makes me feel like an awful person, but he absolutely is not the same as he was when we met. I'm entirely different too and I worry that maybe we have grown apart in a way.
I know my issue is probably just that I'm bored with my life, but I feel like I'm wasting my youth by being too afraid to make changes. It's so conflicting! I'm too scared to talk to my family or friends, because as far as they know I've been very happy in my relationship from day one. I guess where I'm going with this is that I don't know if I should just forget the crush and make our relationship work, or if I should move on and start over with my life.
Married too young? Maybe
What has happened is that the marriage didn’t get “ renewed” - re- evaluated often, goals and growth redefined, upgraded, refreshed .... you get what I mean.
You say you two like the same things - whatever happened to that?
You have unfulfilled aspirations. Does he know them? Are you aware of his hopes and dreams he may have missed or be longing to do?
What could be something that could draw you back in to each other? Even something like going to the gym together can start it off.
As for your “crush” - you wouldn’t take a notice of this person if things were good in your marriage.
Hi FLOWERBOMI: For better or worse, right? But the good news is, that with your realization that a marriage takes some effort and energy, you should and could rekindle the flame. Fantasies exist all around us and always will and work within a marriage, also. Focus on what brought you and your husband together initially. What first attracted you to him? What first attracted him to you? Love is not just physical, although a man puts a lot of stock in it. You're longing to stay in this marriage, so work on it. You may need to initiate the changes, but it will be worth it. Be relentless, but unconditionally loving. I believe this journey could be fun and adventurous. Let us know what works and what doesn't work. We can all be reminded.