I lost a friend..but was she really?
Hi, I’ve never been on one of these but needed some unbias thoughts/advice.
Long story short. I’ve had this friend I’ve known maybe 2 years. She is married and has no kids. I’m in a long term relationship right now and he’s got some flaws, like we all do. I went out with her on St Pattys day and later on she posted pictures of the event online. There was a picture with another girl I know who I like but my partner does not and to avoid conflict and arguments. I just asked her to put the post on friends only instead of for all public eyes because of he saw it, it would cause problems. (He’s looked stupid her page before) and I just was worried about his reaction. She then messaged me... that she didn’t agree with me being with him and that he’s controlling and that i need to focus on him. That we are in two different places in our life and she thinks it’s best we don’t be friends.
I was shocked about that and honestly I miss her. But you can’t force someone to be there for you but..should I try to mend it.. or does that make seem desperate.
There are so many things to consider1) On What in the two years was the relationship premised? Was she a good friend, lots of common interests, core values, do you respect each other? What great did she bring out in you, and you in her, how did she make you feel, what about her do you miss?2) She is not respecting an ask/boundary you set up3) Do you understand why she did not want to take down the picture, and is worried about you, you in this relationship4) What it means that because of your BF you lost a friend (depending on your answer to #1) and have to tiptoe around
Well. 1. We trained together. That’s how we met. I guess it was work. We didn’t start hanging out outside of work until maybe a year ago or so. We have the same ethics and morals for the most part. I mean we laughed together and had fun. Well 3, she said something in regards to not wanting to have to deal with that because it seemed childish. Which I kind of get but still.
There have been some things that she knows but I’m grown and I know when enough is enough. In a respectful way.
I think she could have made the pics ‘friends only’ for you, if you were really against the photos being public, but since it’s for your partner then I understand where she is coming from.
If a gf or bf starts to tell who you can be friends with or who you can hang out with then, in my opinion, that is controlling.
You should have to worry about his reaction to this person he dislikes being there and he shouldn’t get angry with you. You shouldn’t have to hide anything from him. Could you help this person being there? Probably not lots of people go out and celebrate at Patrick’s day.
If this other person, who you say you like turns out not to be a good friend, then at least you leant that yourself.
If he does see the picture on the internet and he gets angry with you think about your reaction. Because really this is his problem and his issue with this other person isn’t yours.
In a nutshell: She’s opting out on all the drama. Doesn’t want it in her life.
However she should have honored your wishes.
Now the issue is for YOU to re- assess your relationship with your BF about his control over who you spend time with. Or are you hyper sensitive and trying to please him?
Is this the first time you have hidden something from him?
Listen to your friend, because you need to have a look at your partner and ask yourself why you need to hide things from him. If he truly accepted all of you & respected you, you wouldn't need to tiptoe around him. Your friend has basically done you a favour by being a true friend, who'll tell you what you need to hear, rather than what you want to hear.
It was TOTALLY inappropriate for you to ask some third party to remove or hide something on HER account because of YOUR crazy boyfriend. Nope. She was right to tell you NO! and to move you on out of her life. She could see by the fact you thought it okay to make that request that she and you are two wildly different people who think of themselves, their worth, and who they will allow into their lives completely differently.
There is no way in this world you should have asked her to do ANYTHING to appease your boyfriend. Who he doesn't like is his problem not yours. If he didn't like looking at that pic, all he had to do was click off.
You are not thinking about this situation correctly, which is why you do not see that YOU are 100% in the wrong. She was a friend to tell you NO and remove you and your man drama from her life. Hopefully it will wake you up. This relationship is unhealthy and twisted. lease pay attention to how you are acting, thinking and feeling in this relationship