Should I be jealous of two girls I’ve never met?
So late this year my boyfriend and I planned to go to a music festival around both of our birthdays so we could celebrate. My boyfriend’s brother is planning the trip and invited a lot of people from my boyfriend’s friend group.
So it turns out most people don’t want to go to this festival except for two girls that my boyfriend used to have feelings for. Leaving me, my boyfriend, his brother, and these two girls.
Obviously I am less excited to spend my birthday weekend with two girls that my boyfriend pursued AND was friends with for years. I know how girls work, and they will probably see this as a one-up on me. Especially since one of my girl friends who dated my boyfriend’s friend has had a problem with one of these girls flirting with her boyfriend. He also was really into one of these girls when we met which is why we didn’t start dating until months after we met...after she rejected him.
I know this isn’t a huge relationship problem, but should I say something about this making me uncomfortable? Or should I just go, try to ignore it, and hope nothing goes wrong?
Hi! First of all, problems are subjective so you decide how much of you this problem is draining.
I know how you feel from experience, and my advice is, voice your feelings to your boyfriend and if you don’t feel comfortable going, don’t do it — and tell him you’re not comfortable with him going either if that’s the case. It’s perfectly normal to feel jealous or angry at two girls you haven’t met when you know their history with your boyfriend, plus insight on their personality from one of your friends. It’s your birthday, you deserve to spend it in utmost happiness, comfort and emotional security. Personally, I wouldn’t be able to spend time around my boyfriend’s past crushes or girlfriends because to my mind that’s toxic. I am not going to go ahead and say “you could end up being friends”, because this isn’t realistic and it wouldn’t be good for you given their reported behavior. You’re right, they might decide to consider it as competition. However, if you really want to test how you feel and meet these girls, see what they’re all about, put on your best outfit, attitude and self-confidence to show that you’re on top of the situation — but also let your boyfriend know how you feel.
Thank you for your response! I will tell my boyfriend it makes me uncomfortable and see where to go from there.
You could “pass” on the arrangements made by brother ( car ride, etc. etc) but not miss the fun.
Just tell them you two are making this a special “alone time” to celebrate your birthdays.
Everyone should understand.