I need help understanding my husband's behavior
My husband is helpful, kind, and loving the majority of the time but sometimes he can react to things in a way that strikes me as cruel and I don't understand why or know what to do about it. Maybe I'm misinterpreting it or being oblivious in some way but I feel like his moods can change in a moment. I'd like to understand what's going on so I can modify my own behavior in some way that will help me get him to treat me a little more respectfully.
For example, tonight I went to the store last minute to get groceries for dinner. He was annoyed at having to drive me which I understand but we are staying at my in law's right now and no one else had made dinner plans so I felt I needed to step up. Fast forward to when we get back to my in law's...I've fed the kids and his grandfather and I'm busy making food for his mom when he comes in and goes to this bag of chicken I had purchased at his request. It was for everyone to eat from so I hadn't paid any special attention to who was taking what or which pieces were left.
He was upset it was all white meat and he swore at me about it in front if our family. I'm so upset and embarrassed I don't even want to bother talking to him about it. I know from this story it sounds like he's a jerk but he honestly isn't. He's wonderful in so many ways but sometimes he gets upset at me for stuff that seems trivial, to me anyway, in spite of the fact that I do work hard to care for my family. I feel like I could fix this if I could remember little details better about his likes and dislikes and maybe modify my own behavior in some way to minimize it but I also want him to understand that he needs to treat me with a certain baseline of respect and that at the least when he does something this hurtful it should be acknowledged and he should apologize.
Is it really that big a deal? Why would he humiliate me in front of our family like that? And on the night before mother's day? I'm so upset and embarrassed I just dont know how to react. Please help.
I could totally relate to this as my husband is the same way.
I wish I could say something to help but I just want to comment for solidarity.
I am still also trying to figure it out.
Sometimes it feels like we're speaking two different languages and I just don't get him.
Even when I try so hard to understand, it feels like it still doesn't make sense.
Wishing you good luck and I hope you find the answers you're looking for.
My mother told me that when I was little, when I got mad at her I’d go in her closet and hit her clothes. Then I grew up and was able to verbalize my anger/ frustration/ etc.
Your husband needs to learn how to verbalize his anger properly. Counseling would help him.
In the meantime you need to let him know how it makes you feel when he makes you the “ whipping boy” when he gets angry or upset. Be adamant about how it affects your marriage.
If this man has other good qualities he will see the need to make things better between you two.
And stop blaming yourself for his childish behavior. You will be walking on eggshells all your life as his behavior gets rationalized