Wants a relationship after two dates
So I'm getting some conflicting views on this from friends, and I just wanted to get others' opinions on it even though I'm fairly certain my gut instinct isn't leading me wrong.
I met this guy online, and we decided to meet up for a date. The date went really well, and I felt like I liked him a lot. I ended up inviting him over afterwards, and we slept together. I don't normally do that, but I also don't see anything wrong with it if you really hit it off with the person. However, right after we slept together he said "so I guess this means we're dating now" And I kinda just said uhh... and he said "oh well, I just mean we're going to keep seeing each other." So I said oh well, yea I mean I would like to see you again.
So over the course of the week we're texting until our next date, which we scheduled for the following weekend. And he starts mentioning that he wouldn't want to hear about how other guys have talked to me online because he has a "slight jealous side" which I thought was a bit much to even say after only one date.
Then the weekend comes, and we actually go on our date. And the entire time he's cracking jokes about like "well I'd call you my girlfriend, but you won't date me" or " we could do x but you won't date me" and it was making me really uncomfortable. So then at the end of the night he straight up asked why I wouldn't date him, and I was like "because we barely know each other and that seems way too soon to me..." and he just kept saying how he didn't understand why I'd sleep with him but I wouldn't date him and just on and on until I finally said I should go. And then I told him that I just didn't think this was going to work out because he clearly wanted to move a lot more quickly than I did.
I have some friends who think that I overreacted and that it just means that he's a serious guy or something because he wanted to be exclusive so soon. I think it's a sign of concerning borderline possessive behavior, considering as I said before, we barely know each other. I guess I just want other thoughts on whether or not my reaction was understandable.
Apparently he feels that having sex with a person means something more to him than it does to you.
To him it meant you are now “a couple” That’s why he kept pestering for confirmation of that.
Can you blame him ? You have sex with him but now think “dating”
is “ moving too fast. “
If you were a guy, you’d be accused of being a “player”. Others will give you a name ito describe a female who does the same. It won’t be flattering.
People move at different speeds with building relationships. They also have different opinions as to how serious it is to have sex with someone.
It's not wrong that, to him, sex tends to mean exclusivity, just as it's not wrong for you to feel that it doesn't.
Similarly, it's not wrong for him to consider it reasonable to discuss where things are going after a good first date, just as it's not wrong for you to feel that it might be a bit soon.
I don't know that I read "borderline possessive" into his comments (at least from what you've written). Just from a public health perspective, I don't really want someone I'm sleeping with to be sleeping with other people. (And I don't want to hear about how many people the person I'm interested in is flirting with online.)
It's also a bit insulting for someone to essentially tell you "I think you're good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be in a relationship with" (which I suspect is what he's hinting at with his jokes).
I think, for you, you need to decide on your feelings about this dude.
Do you like him? Enough to date him (and no one else)? If so, maybe give that a try and see if he's less weird. (If he is, you can always end things.)
Alternately, if he's already rubbing you wrong, why put up with this? Give yourself the gift of freedom.