I cheat on my husband
I am 28 year old wife, my husband is 33. We've been married for 5 years. We've been dating 2 years before that.
However, 2 years ago I started cheating on my husband with a younger man. He was 21 back then. It started as if I was hypnotized. I didn't know how things got so deep, so quickly.
I met this guy on my yoga classes. Soon after that we started walking home together after each class - we were living near each other. It was not long till he expressed interest in me. I told him I was married, but he still went on. At first it bothered me and I was worried, as my husband is a powerlifter and I was afraid if he found out what he could do to me or the man, who's even smaller and slimmer than me.
A month after my attempts to avoid the guy, I decided that I had to be straight with him. I went to his place after one yoga class, as I wanted privacy to tell him what I've prepared for him. It was going to be a strong message, both constructive and daunting. I am usually good at convincing people in what I want.
You see, this didn't go as planned. I don't know what happened to me, but this was the first time I cheated with this guy.
I'm not going into details about our secret meetings. I went so far that I lied to my husband that I was going to yoga and met this guy at his place instead. The thing that hooked me the most was his penis. It is extremely huge and I feel very attracted to him because of it. I've tried so many things with him - things that I never thought I'd do.
This was going on for some time, until COVID hit. At first we had plans to meet again, but the lockdown and social distancing made it difficult for us. By that time I've completely stopped doing sex with my husband. He could not satisfy me and I even stopped being intimate with him. I always look for an excuse.
The COVID situation was tough, until recently, when the gyms and sport centers got opened. Now my husband goes to the gym again daily, and I can pretend to go to yoga. I resumed meeting that guy almost every day.
I'm doing it totally for the sex. But I feel still very afraid of my husband finding out. I can only imagine the rage he'll have.
I wonder what shall I do. Shall I divorce him? What shall I say as a pretext that I want it? And what if he finds out later about the truth. He can hurt me and the guy.
This has been torturing me in the past months and I need some advice, as I can't figure out what to do. I haven't shared this with any of my friends or relatives. I also feel like I'd be ashamed of them. I also wonder whether a relationship based completele on sex can survive in long term. I've never lived with the younger guy, we just meet to have sex together.
The thing is I can't even stop dating the guy. First, because I feel great with him and the things, which we do. And second, because he intimated that he'd tell my husband everything. I believe he has also some tapes of some of our meetings.
Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Are you really dating - that is, he is taking you to the theater , taking you out for dinner, enjoying activities with you in public? Or are you just having sex with him?
You must put this relationship in its place. It is sexual , that’s it.
You must stop seeing this boy/man at once. Tell him you are married and that is your main excuse. He should not have pursued a married woman. You don’t need to justify not seeing him anymore. Block him. Stop going to the gym or any place he might be.
Don’t worry about him telling your husband. He’s not going to want to get beat up.
You don’t say anything about how you feel about your husband. You have been reckless and inconsiderate of your husband.
Hopefully you can get out of this mess.
Own up to your actions. Come clean to your husband and accept the consequences. If this causes your husband's life and your life to fall apart and your marriage to end, then let it happen. It's not fair to him that you continue to mislead him while building a relationship with someone else.
Just just tell your husband the truth, accept the consequences, and then you both can move on with your lives. It would be a good idea to do it sooner than later while you both still have some youth and energy to develop a meaningful and active relationship with your new partners.
And as for the younger man, if you want to make big boy decisions, then you need to accept big boy consequences.
But ultimately the fault lies in you because you were the one who chose to violate your vows and break your commitment to your husband. Don't say that you felt as if you were hypnotized. That's a poor excuse and lame attempt to evade owning your decisions and actions because the truth is you are an adult that made a decision, you chose to cheat on your husband willingly and continuously. And don't say you can't stop dating the younger man. You are actively choosing to not stop. Do not deceive yourself
by behaving as if you aren't in control of the decisions and actions. No one is forcing you to be an adulterous wife. You are bold to continuously cheat on your husband. Apply that same boldness in confessing to your husband. You're an adulterous wife. Don't be a cowardly adulterous wife. You shouldn't expect anyone to pat you on the head and say, "there there, you poor little thing." Expect rebuke and encouragement to do the right thing.
My sister has wronged her husband in the same manner that you are doing to yours. I saw a good man get destroyed by his wife's adulterous behavior. The man is broken.
Let the man be free to move on with his life, and free yourself by telling the truth.
I sincerely hope that you all find peace, healing and restoration.