Is he confusing me or himself confused?
I am a girl. I am in a dilemma where I don't know whether to move on or keep continue talking to a guy who proposed me for marriage first but a few days before when he revealed in his family that he is seeing a girl (me), his family wasn't so welcoming. I never wanted to marry at first place, then at my private company, I met him, hehe by then had cleared govt. Exam and was doing a part time job in my company as he was waiting for him to be posted in his govt.job. When he confessed that he liked me & wanted to be more than a boyfriend. I immediately refused coz I didn't have feelings for him nor was I intended to marry but with time, we kept talking & he being a nice guy, I started considering his proposal. Since March 2021, I had started considering his marriage proposal on a serious note & he too was quite hopeful about us. But last week when he visited his home in Delhi & revealed that he is seeing me. His parents didn't deny directly but advised him to rather look for a girl earning higher or having a better qualifications. I have done B.Sc & currently I am earning 35k salary per month. Their concern is what if our son gets posted in another city then how would I manage a stable job as I don't have qualifications more than a graduation certificate. But I am a very creative & talented girl & I know I can manage working in other cities or at least as a freelancer. But now I am in stress because of the boy's attitude. He doesn't talk about future anymore. He is saying these things take time. I asked him to look for girls equating to his salary as he is a govt.employee. He blatantly refuses & tells me why you are giving up so soon, these things take time. But with his behaviour, it doesn't seem he will fight for us to the extent he should. Whenever I ask him to give me a clear idea about future that whether we are going to be together or not, he remains quiet. He sometimes says if his parents start looking girls for him, he will keep denying. But he never assures me about us. Before his revelation to his parents, his 80% statements about our future. Now he has completely stopped saying things like that. I told him I will block him if there is no future together, he doesn't want that either. I have no one to talk about this in my family. We both are already 28 now but his family told him to take his time to know me more. He is an introvert & doesn't talk much but since the last week, our talks are now totally present based, . But whenever he calls, he seems calm & composed. In a nutshell, he has completely stopped talking about our future & those short of naughty things he used to say before. However he still talks to me with same loving gesture & tone. But when I tell him to start looking for other girls for marriage & all, he asks me to shut my mouth. But the stressing part is that he is giving indications of a blurry future now. When I have already discussed with him, he stays quiet & only murmurs hmmm. I don't wanna invest my time & emotions on someone who is not assuring me anything nor letting me go. He even says to me that you were not going to marry anyway, so keep denying for proposals to your family. What should I do??
I already have other issues too in my life so I don't want to develop much attachment before it is too late. What bothers me the most is he escapes talking about future now and before, this was all he used to talk about in our conversations. Other than this there is not much change in his behaviour but he is not giving me any clarity, he says you are in so hurry to block me, these things take time. But I don't wanna wait for an uncertainty. If he had been very much sure, he would have said a word of affirmation. What should I do? Should I move on? Or give him some time?
His parents are running his life. This is just the first example of how he lives and who will manage his life.
Decide if you can deal with this in a marriage.
Thanks for reading and responding to my problem. Yeah I also think he doesn't have his own shoulder to rely on. He asks for his father's approval before doing anything. He however has slowly started talking to me more frequently gradually after our arguments. And after I showed him my ignorant side. But indirectly, he has kinda confirmed that he will do only what his parents want him to. And he will even go to look for girls if they pressure him. He was quite when I asked him this but I got my answer with his silence and his words that he cannot go against his parents nor does he want to upset them anyway. But he will make a discussion about us with his family before their final decision. So now I am also dragging my attention away from him and trying to focus it on more worth side of life.