Is my marriage over?
ANON1223456 - Jun 23 2021 at 20:11
For the first time in our 15 year relationship, today I felt no connection with my wife during sex. I already felt a disconnect in the relationship but to feel nothing during sex really hit me for six. I feel like this is the end. Anyone with experience of this, any advice?
I should provide more details. My wife and I had our ups and downs like any couple, but the last 6 years have been different. Since we had our daughter, she gave all her energy and attention to her, and not only did I feel neglected, as we never did anything as a couple anymore (we haven’t even been to a restaurant by ourselves since she was pregnant), I was also expected to be more available than I ever thought she would expect. I run my own business, so she figured I could work from home and be there whenever she needed me. My business has been on a sharp downward turn ever since.
To put a nail in our coffin, she joined the Jehovah’s Witnesses, and she is now unrecognizable to me.
In spite of all this, and though sex has dried up to the extent that we would do I once every two or three months, each time we did make love I felt it was that - love. Sex helped reassure me that we still had something between us, as I felt that connection. Something worth fighting to save. This last time, I felt nothing. It has really freaked me out, I’m still in a state of limbo 3 days later.
I know that people will say communication is our problem, and that has been true, but everything I have said in this post I have said to her, with the exception of the last point, as I don’t know yet whether I should tell her. It’s possible she felt the same way, but I don’t know that. It could come as a shock to her, and she could end our marriage. Bottom line is, I can’t risk that, for my daughter’s sake. Not only is my daughter my whole world, but I couldn’t leave her in the care of a Jehovah’s Witness, as I know how they indoctrinate children.
Hi, my mum is Jehovah’s Witness so I know a lot about this religion . I think it might be the reason why your sex life is not as before as I know they’re very conservative and they never talk about sex it’s a big taboo… I wouldn’t force her to leave it as this might have an opposite effect. She might like spiritual lifestyle as my mum… usually people join religions like this if they feel emptiness in their lives. I would talk to her and try to find a reason of her not being happy. If that doesn’t work then you could ask her if she thinks the religion which destroys your marriage is a rational choice, but never force her or threaten her… in relation to your daughter in future she will choose what she wants anyway… my dad divorced my mum because of this religion and I was living with my mum, but when I was 14 I told her it’s not what I want. She couldn’t do anything about it.
Thank you very much for your reply. Your parents’ case seems to be very similar to ours. I am sorry you went through that. Can you tell me what it was like for you, as a child, when your dad left the home (I am presuming this happened)? How old were you when they divorced? Did they explain the reasons to you then or wait until you were older?