Met a guy 2 months ago and Feeling awful because of his ex?
It’s a long story but I’ll make it short.
I messaged a Turkish barber 9 weeks ago asking if he is single. He replied back saying yes and told me how beautiful I am etc. He worked down the road from me and I his customer because I take my nephew there for a haircut.
The next evening we met for a coffee. And I know this is rushed but since that day, I have spend EVERY SINGLE night with him straight. I’ve basically moved in with him. His barber shop is directly beneath his flat and every morning I’d go home and he would pick me up after work.
I am 29 and he is 36.
I have so much with him in the last 2 months and I came out of an abusive relationship of 8 years just 8 months ago. I know it seems soon but it is what it is. I was really bad a couple months ago after my break up. I had to have counselling and pills from the doctor. But I am over him I no longer care.
I met this new guy and things went so fast but I was happy. Happiest I have been since 8 months ago. We have done so much things, so many memories in just 2 months. We’ve travelled all over the U.K., booked so many things to do, bene zip lining, we’ve had so much fun and laughed the whole time. I cannot fault him at all. He’s been perfect! I thought it’s too good to be true and I had doubts in the beginning since my ex relationship but everytime I looked into it he was always telling the truth. So this past month I’ve really started to learn to trust him and I’ve been feeling so amazing.
However, 4 days ago, we travelled 4 hours to North Wales to do a 5 hour activity underground cave sport. And we had an hour to spare before it was time. So we went to the beach and sat down. He was next to me and his phone buzzed several times. He was typing like a mad man and I asked is there something up. He told me to wait there and started to walk off then turned back at me and said come. So I followed and we sat down somewhere else and he rang somebody on Instagram on video call who answered and it was a girl. I asked who is this?
3 weeks ago when laying in bed I asked him has he ever really loved someone who he still thinks about to this day? He explained about this girl he was meant to marry 10 years ago in Turkey but family got involved and it never worked out. He’s been in the U.K. 4 years.
I asked him at the beach, is this her? Is this the girl who you told me about before? He nodded. I started to feel very anxious and upset because he was acting so strange towards me. I said what does she want? I turned to the camera and asked her what do you want? But she doesn’t speak English. She hung up the phone and he hugged me and said she messaged him on isnta gram now on a fake account and it’s been 10 years since they’ve spoke. Then he said come we’re going back home we ain’t doing the cave thing. I got upset because I had booked it and spent £180 for us to do this and travelled hours to get here.
We got in the car and argued sometimes and silenced for the rest. He said he just has big unfinished business with her and needs to speak to her one time and if I can’t accept that then get out his life. But he was really horrible to me and swearing, shouting. He started to drive crazy and overtake 5 cars on a bend and would not stop the car.
We finally got back to his, and I was upset crying and he just didn’t care. He told me to go into the bedroom to sleep because he wants to speak to her. I wouldn’t move so he told me he’s taking me home. He did and that night I watched him online on Instagram til 5am speaking to her ! Completely ignoring me. And for 2 months he was all over me. Constantly messaging me and speaking to me, always wanted to speak and spend time together. I cried all night. The next day he was really mean to me and kept telling me to leave him alone for a couple days for him to sort it with her and then he’ll come back to me. I couldn’t accept it. I felt jealousy, just, pain. He just didn’t care! He came to see me that night because I basically begged him to and I sat in his car for 10 mins and he was like what do you want? And told me to get out pushing me out the car.
2 nights ago I turned up at his house unannounced because I was trying to get through to him but he would not answer. He blocked me off Instagram too. He came upstairs after work and we spoke and I said I feel better when I am next to him. Why has he pushed me away. Why can’t I stay there anymore. He said he wants a few days but I said it’s wrong what you’re doing to me! He said I can stay at his AS LONG as I accept he will be messaging her and the minute I comment or cry, say anything he will take me home. So that night I sat there looking at them texting feeling sooooo low but I shut my mouth. Yesterday was hell. He treated me bad all day and last night I stayed at his again and in bed he wouldn’t hug me, wouldn’t touch me, nothing. Usually for 2 months he’s been all over me. He would not let me go. This morning I said would you like to go to the cinema after work and he said yeh ok book it. So I did and I rang him to let him know what time it was to be ready and he said horribly “ok you can go” I said what do you I can go? I thought we were going! He told me to shut up and hung up on me. I panicked and went down his house again and he came upstairs and literally grabbed me by me arms and dragged me down the stairs telling me to get out and leave his life alone.
I am beyond devastated! I really thought he was amazing, we’ve taken so many pictures together I can’t bring myself to delete them. I know it’s bene 2 months but I cannot help how I feel. I have to pass his house everyday too to get anywhere in my city because it’s the only way. I just don’t know what to do I feel desperate to run down there again but he told me he doesn’t like me anymore and doesn’t care. He said the past 2 months doesn’t matter. He told me so many nice things he told me he would like to be with me forever and he said so many amazing things to me.
I feel completely heart broken again. I’ve seen the real him and it’s making me question was it all a lie? Ugh I just want some advice. What do I do! What should I do! Contact him or don’t. Please help :(
do not contact him, he’s not worth your time. you deserve better than someone who treats you that way. since you just got out of a long term, abusive relationship the best thing to do is focus on healing and maybe even going to therapy to aid in that. once you are healed mentally and emotionally you will be able to set higher standards for yourself and tolerate less negativity from others. i hope everything works out for you.