Am I wrong for feeling this way?
My daughter is 13 and I’ve been married to my husband since she was three. He has always been there for her as a great stepdad. My daughter’s room is downstairs and even though she is 13 he still goes downstairs every night to sleep next to her after I fall asleep at 3:00am and he comes back up every morning. I know nothing is going on and my daughter is completely comfortable around him, she says nothing but good things. However, she is thirteen and doesn’t need a grown adult sleeping next to her every night.
I told him how I felt and that he doesn’t need to do that anymore but all he says is “you can’t tell me what to do” and disregards how I feel. He always turns it around on me and makes me look like I crazy for thinking this way. She will be fourteen in almost two months how long will he be doing this? I just feel uncomfortable about the whole thing for some reason. She isn’t five anymore. Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I just overreacting?
This is wrong of him....She's not a baby..and he should NOT be in bed with her..AT ALL..If he won't listen to you,your daughter will have to tell him that she's getting too old for anyone to be sharing a bed with her, and she needs her space...maybe they can "hang out' before bed and watch a movie...but, yeah..that's just inapporpriate
No you are NOT crazy - you are putting 2 and 2 together and suspecting the unthinkable 4. WELL, MADAM, FOR YOUR INFORMATION - SO AM I.
What, otherwise, is the point of this exercise, according to him? AND WHEN YOU'RE FAST ASLEEP!
Plus, this is a man who clearly dominates you. What chance would a 13-year-old girl stand against him?
Do you know how easy it is for paedophiles to ensure the kids they're interfering with never tell or deny when asked? Usually, they start by making the girl feel special and grown-up, as progresses into threatening to kill or leave you, the parent, if they ever tell.
It's too characteristic. Even the incredible biding of time to really gain your trust, whereby you´re having difficulty seeing what I see.
Call Social Services. Even IF he isn´t sexually abusing her, he is still acting against nature by disrupting a growing girl's vital sleep on a nightly basis and thereby delaying and stunting her development and scholarly capability, etc., etc.! Even that element alone is serious, step-parental abuse! And that bit you DO know is a FACT!
Call Social Services. They can be perfectly discreet - to protect you and your daughter from how he might react if he knew. But, Madam, I fail to see how this can be construed by ANYONE as anything BUT him waiting until it's safe to take serious advantage of your girl.
In the meantime, I suggest you install a secret pinhole camera in her room while she's at school and "Odd Bloke" is at work. Then you´ll not only know for sure one way or the other (since you clearly daren't more simply burst into her room at just-gone 3am) but have evidence.
I echo Soulmate's response. You are not crazy for feeling the way you feel and you are not wrong for asking questions. Your instincts are there for a reason, and this feels 'off' to you because it is very much abnormal behavior.
There are many resources out there available for finding the best way to take the next steps here. Even if he isn't abusing her now/yet, your attention to this at this time is so very important. And, the fact that you are dismissed when you bring it up is definitely a red flag.
Please feel empowered to reach out to a local service for child welfare/counseling/protective services to find the best way to handle this.
I know it can feel so overwhelming when you look at the whole picture, but if you just decide what the next best step is, it becomes easier to do. May I suggest your next step is finding a professional person or service to help you tackle this. I'll be praying for you and your daughter as you work through this time.
The situation, if not terrible, then at least strange. Talk to your husband and child. This should not be allowed to continue.
The situation is dire. Strength, patience and good luck to you
did you not think that your daughter is not telling the truth because she is afraid?
this is an abnormal situation!
This is an absolutely terrible situation, it doesn't have to be that way. Deal with your husband. Who knows what is really going on, maybe the girl is really afraid to tell the truth.
OK, let's make this unanimous. First, not only is this atypical behavior, your husband's response to your wishes is very disturbing. Your wishes, requests, and feelings should be very important to him regardless of his intent. Secondly, perception often is reality. Everyone responding to this post, believes the same thing even though there is no evidence to the contrary. Third, and perhaps most importantly, the Lord has always told us "...and lead us not into temptation...." There isn't a heterosexual male on this planet that will not be tempted with some inappropriate behavior in such a situation, even when not self initiated.
Be the adult and with diplomacy, constructive dialogue, maternal instincts, and love for both your daughter and husband, stop this now. Let us know how this goes.
8TWENTY8, or diplomacy, or if it doesn't work, then you should put a camera. It is better to know for sure the truth why all this is happening.
Yea its odd. N perhaps he's super attached and ultra protective. She would give off signs if it was odd generally speaking. So we don't think the negative, let's assume he means we'll n does it as a protector for u and his daughter. Its still not ok. He is thinking with an father brain and not the trauma it could cause. You want a girl to become independent of others for now and when their older.
She shouldn't need a sense a sense security that can plague her later for various reasons. I'd say talk with her and see her take. Explain the role she plays as a growing lady and the independence needed. Perhaps it changes her to tell her dad. He'll recognize that and b mad at you. Its ok, explain you meant no harm; he'll still be upset. Let him be...
create extracurricular family activities that involve u all and him and her so he doesn't feel a bind is slipping away. Perhaps a security system will put him at ease...exhaust what you can.