Wanting to run far away
For the longest time now I've wanted to sever all ties and leave, family, friends, everyone, and just disappear. Am I crazy?
I'm not on particularly bad terms with people but my family haven't exactly done wonders for my mental health, and deep down I just want to vanish and start afresh somewhere new with a clean slate, I live in a small dead end town and I don't want to be stuck here forever. I know if I move away my parents will get offended. They were offended when I moved out, like somehow it was their fault I wanted to move out despite me telling them multiple times it was just because I wanted to
(also lowkey want to run away with my ex but not gin a lie that's a whole other can of worms, not going into that)
I just feel like I'm crazy or a terrible person and I don't know what to do
Thank you for listening
Apologies for the spam, SOSIG - it'll be deleted anon - and welcome!
Since the spam has created the illusion of your problem having been responded to, I´ll do so myself and invite other posters to take it from there...
What you ACTUALLY spelled out was:
In addition to my feeling trapped in a dead-end town with no prospects, I have my whole life been suffering living day-in-day-out with low-grade (- pff!...like that makes it any easier!) but patently-identifiable Narcissists...pebbles in my shoe for too long as now feel like SHARDS OF GLASS that have equally long-proven impossible to remove! These two together are enough to tip the "Too Good to Leave/Too Bad To Stay" scales into wanting to escape asap from both sources of draining and suffocation and seek a better life and emotional welfare (not to mention get to de-slime and thereby attract healthier people) so that I can thrive as Nature (if NOT my enmeshing, emotionally-highly-manipulative, guilt-tripping, selfish-as-hell, thereby ENSLAVING ..er..parents-ish). Am I crazy to be that intelligent, sensible and all-round self-preservationist, not to mention become part of the Brave Elite by doing the supposedly impossible?
(...Well, alright, LOL, some of those admittedly were me putting words into your mouth but...)
Answer: Hahaha! Are you laughing alongside or feeling daft yet?
Crazy and Terrible, my arse! - You go, girl! After all, you're only really continuing the way you`ve always been - raising yourself (and in spite of them rather than because of them). Right?
But give yourself more time to prepare. I suspect you're unwittingly confusing or passing-off your perfectly natural Fear of Change as Guilt in order to do just that (which is equally sensible).
I'm also very impressed at how you realise that moving-in with your boyfriend would interfere with your ability to grieve (for what you should have had but didn´t get - actual grown-up parents), which would just make it drag on for years. And - tip if he´s putting any pressure on: "You´re too important to me, not to insist on a period in which to completely 'de-slime' before moving closer to you - in case any were to rub off on you".
This is a pretty typical scenario, you know. Usually, with low-grades, you feel better quite quickly and find you can handle keeping in fairly regular touch. Touch being the operative word because, quite simply, what with no longer have a hold over you - they can't!
How do you feel after reading this?
Whoops - the end of my sentance dropped off!
...as Nature (if NOT my enmeshing, emotionally-highly-manipulative, guilt-tripping, selfish-as-hell, thereby ENSLAVING ..er..parents-ish) *intended*.