How do I chill out?
I have been with a guy for the past 3 years, and ever since he has always been very laid-back. I didn't mind it since I didn't want a boyfriend who hovered or was hard to get along with.
Most of the time he's doing his own thing, gaming, sleeping, working out, etc. and I am drawing or sleeping. We tend to go hours a day without texting eachother, and occassionally can go a day without it. We bring our individual happiness to the relationship and that's how it works, neither of us have been needy or completely reliant on eachother, but we are there for eachother when needed.
I know it sounds immature, but lately I've been feeling really bothered by this. I've started to become needy and angry and feeling like he doesn't see me anymore. I'm beginning to feel like I've done something wrong or I'm not enough for him. I talk to him about it and he simply tells me he just wants to relax and that everything is fine and I have nothing to worry about. He just likes to be alone, he says.
Honestly, this behavior is nothing out of the ordinary really. I feel like I'm being so irrational and going crazy because suddenly I get so agitated when he doesn't reply.
I've tried to come to the conclusion that being passive and quiet is his way of avoiding arguments or my sour mood. He DOES try to help whenever he can, but usually is unsure of what to do because he doesn't see a problem in the relationship. He just wants to descalate the problem and not engage in any arguing. When I communicate calmly, he listens but is still confused.
I know I'm just making problems up in my head and trying to fix something that isn't even broken. I don't want to stay paranoid like this and for him to eventually lose his patience and when I know I'm just being irrational.
So how can I just relax and not overthink everything? I don't want to be so attached.
Hmm I don’t think your being crazy or making problems up. If it’s bothering you for a while then it’s probably time to do something about it and figure what is actually bothering you.
It’s good you are laid back and you both like your own space but it sounds like it’s down to you both not spending much time together? And it feels more like a friendship? (Say if I’m wrong).
When someone is too laid back it can seem like they don’t care.
Maybe he doesn’t want to change what he’s doing which is why he claims he doesn’t understand, even when you tell him calmly.
He is giving you reassurance that there is nothing to worry about soo I would say tell him what you want. more communication in the day between you and regular date nights ? Days out? See how if he will do that with you and make the effort and suggest things.
It’s very easy for him to say you have nothing to worry about he needs to show too.
Hope he does
Well he’s not a mind reader is he? So you are going to have to be very direct in stating your needs from him. Can you articulate those needs?
Many people are feeling the way that you do. Especially after the last year and a half of special circumstances that we’ve had to go through. You also may have to expect that this is this man’s personality and he’s not going to change. You have to decide if this is the kind of man that you want to spend the rest of your life with.
In the meantime do you have best friends? You may have to go outside of this relationship to get your needs met.