Boyfriend kissed my best friend
I want to preface that both of these people mean the world to me, and I have sat on this problem for months since it happened because I didn't want to act too rashly.
Let's set the scene: after 7 months of deployment, my boyfriend finally came home. I was incredibly anxious and excited. Without my knowledge, he was coming home a month earlier than planned, and was planning a surprise for me. My best friend, who ended up being considered a friend of my boyfriend, was in on this secret and was helping him organize it. I was taking care of my boyfriend's car while he was away. My best friend didn't have a car of her own and was known to share a vehicle with her sisters. We went to dinner a couple nights before my boyfriend came home and she asked if she could borrow his car, claiming she had a party she wanted to go to but didn't have access to a car. I agreed, of course, if it was first cleared with him. He agreed and I let her borrow it.
She was supposed to take the car to the airport and pick him up and then he'd have the car to come surprise me the next day. Keep in mind, this was in the evening. According to both of them, they went out for dinner and had a few drinks. Afraid to let her drive alone, my boyfriend rented a hotel room (with separate beds) and they both stayed there. Soon, they began talking and I was brought up. My boyfriend earnestly asked my best friend if I did anything while he was away that I wouldn't have told him. Being in the military, it's unfortunately a common thing, so I'm not offended he asked that. I was offended by the fact that my friend said YES. Apparently, I kissed a girl (I'm very straight, by the way), and that she had to put herself between me and multiple men on multiple occasions. These are all lies. I waited patiently for his return, and focused on my school and family. I was hurt she would manipulate me into a bad light.
He believed her and was hurt, obviously. That's when they kissed. They both said they immediately regretted it. But they did discuss not telling me as "payback."
I cut her out of my life immediately, but not my boyfriend. I think was was very confused and overcome with joy of seeing him that I haven't thought clearly. I do love him, after all. It's unfair for me to treat one person with scorn, while completely forgiving the other. They're both guilty. She's written me a 3-page letter, but it almost felt like she was gaslighting me. He blocked her until recently when he messaged her to apologize for causing such a drift in hers and my relationship. I understand where he was coming from. I'm sure he feels unmeasurable guilt, but it still doesn't sit well with me.
I'm hurt... and I've tried to forgive their sincere apologies, but I can't help but feel as if I'm only hurting myself by being around them. As much as I'm avoiding it, I think I need to breaking up with him.
Your BF - whom you haven’t seen for 7 months - takes another girl out, drinks with her, then goes too a hotel room with her?
Your “ friend” picks up your BF, had dinner and drinks with him, then goes to a hotel with him?
Get rid of BOTH of them.
There are some problems with bf's story
First, let's say Alice drove Ted's car to the airport and picked him up - so he has a car to get to you and surprise you. They go out for drinks and now Alice is too drunk to drive home. Drive WHAT home? She took your boyfriend's car to get out, he'd have to drive her home, anyway. Instead of driving her home, he drove the two of them to a motel. Unless your former bestie can drive two cars at once, she didn't have a car to drive drunk in.
Second, he's so anxious to see you - but decides to have dinner and drinks with someone else. WTH?
Third, Bestie didn't have a vow to be faithful to you, your boyfriend did.
I don't believe your bf's story, and if ALL that happened was a kiss, it would have been kinder to keep his mouth shut and hope your friend did, too. No, honesty is not always the best policy. If the truth is going to hurt someone, you make a promise to yourself it won't happen again. He *could have* said he was having doubts about the relationship, and suggested counseling for the two of you to solidify your relationship, or to discover if he and/or you are mature enough to continue on in an exclusive relationship. If he's checking up on you, it's a clue he's not ready yet. You *should* be offended. It's not about the experiences of other deployed people. It's about his trust in YOU.
Before you write, "But you don't understand!!! When people are deployed, their spouses often are cheating on them!!!" No sh*t. I know people who are home every night, and their partners have cheated on them. Heck I know people who go home every night, after they've cheated.
I don't buy any of it. Frankly, it sounds like they planned a one-night stand all along.
And yep, you are being a dope for forgiving bf (who had a responsibility to be faithful) and not your friend. They're both rats.
Why would he immediately assume you'd been unfaithful based only on what she told him? As your boyfriend, I'd at least want your side of the story before I did anything regrettable. I understand they may have been drunk or whatever but that is a pretty stupid and compromising position to put yourself in in the first place--that they felt inclined to kiss each other tells me that they've had feelings for each other for a while and they both probably knew there was a possibility of something like this happening especially if they could...blame it on the alcohol.