Sexy lingerie before s**
My husband and I have been married for 8 years. My husband is a wonderful man I've ever known and I am very thankful of having him as my husband.
I really don't know how to start this but, In our early years of marriage, it doesn't matter if I wear sexy lingerie or not. But later in our marriage, this becomes mandatory before making love.
He started to buy my sexy lingeries 4 years ago and as his wife, I appreciated his gestures as he has a nice taste on those. Aside from that, I love to wear it for him although, I am not that sensual type of woman. Those pieces of lingeries were designer brands and more expensive than the clothes he bought for me. Before, I'd really appreciated it, as it makes me feel special.
As it happens too frequently, it's eating me inside. I just kept it to myself and Sometimes, I would just say it in a joke, "I don't have clothes to wear anymore because of these expensive lingeries you gave me. I could wear it alone when going to work if you want". But what's behind that joke was my true feelings of letting him know that, there are other important things to buy rather than this. To be honest, I have much sexy lingeries than my clothes and my job is requiring me lots of professional clothes. And I come to work with jeans and shirts. I don't mind it as I don't care what other people would say.
But as time goes by, he seems to be addicted to these lingeries. And whenever we make love, he would let me wear it first. It becomes mandatory for me. And if I don't wear it, his member will show unhappiness about it.
Until one day I had enough of giving in, I confronted him about it and he explained to me that he could have had a fetism. I understand that condition and embraced his condition. So everytime that union happens, I am wearing it.
Slowly and slowly, it's affecting my mental health and myself worth as a woman, a wife and a mother. I have lots of questions going on inside my head. I'd become hesitant and sometimes resistant to his favor. Everytime I confronted him, it resulted into a big fight. And it makes me feel that these lingeries are more important than me. I tried to throw it many2 times. But, he won't let me. He apologizes many times and promised to do something about his condition. But, he is still all the same.
I can't take this anymore. I feel disgusted and I think I developed hate on this lingeries as well as with him.
Yesterday, we had a big fight because of this. I had enough. I really feel disgusted and I don't wanna see his face.
I tried to control and managed my anger. I am even convincing myself that it's not a reason for separation. I love my husband so much. I love my family so much. But, it seems like myself was being torn apart. I don't want to feel this way. I want to bring that love back to our marriage just like before without these lingeries as mandatory. I want to be love as me.
I would greatly appreciate your enlightenment with this matter. Thank you so much.
Resentment is an awful feeling. It happens when we don’t get our needs met.
You are no longer enjoying indulging in his fantasy/ fetish/ turn- on- what ever it is.
Why? Perhaps you are feeling used or because he is not reciprocating or recognizing your needs.
Tell him you will wear the sexy underwear under the new clothes he must also buy you. Take him shopping. Buy both the clothes and the other together.
What I find troubling is that you go to work to earn money, but apparently you aren't allowed to use *your own money* to buy clothing appropriate for your job, because your husband spends it all. Lingerie doesn't cost that much, so I'd wonder where the rest of the money is going. On that point, is your husband trying to embarrass you by controlling the money and not allowing you to dress appropriately?
As for the fetish itself - pretty harmless. Not porn, not other women, not kids, not pretending to hurt anyone. But since it's affecting your household budget, I'd suggest your husband get some professional counseling.
Hi SUSSIEDDQ and OLDMAINER. Thank you so much I appreciate your insights about what I am going through right now.🙂 You guys made me feel better.
Sussieddq you got what I am feeling right now! I felt that I am only being used for his fantasies but not accepting me for what I am. 😓 Rarely, I also want my "wants in bed" will happen. When I don't need to wear those. When simple talking and kissing ended up on love making. That we don't need to pause to oops, I need to wear my costume. 😩 I feel like I am a clown in a party that needs to entertain the crowd or a porn star.😫.
To OLDMAINER, I deeply appreciate your concern for me.🙂 But, he is not what you are thinking of. Pardon me, I might have not explained it thoroughly that made you think that way about him. We manages our financial together. He buys me clothes, but not as much as these lingeries.i just find that buying bunch of it is a waste of money. In terms of the money, he's not controlling me with that. It just that with his gestures of buying me things. There was one time, my Valentine's gift, anniversary gift, birthday gift, christmas gift were all lingeries. Imagine that. I also want to receive other things not these things. Ugh😥😩 that's why my gifts that time were not a surprise for me anymore. Even his random gifts were lingeries until now. You are right OLDMAINER, atleast it's just fetism. It's not as harmful like what you've mentioned. I was just really feeling bad. The caused of our last fight was, we are about to do it, however, when he knew that I wasn't wearing it under me, his member became sad.😥 It felt like a slap on my face.
Update on this issue:
We talked about it and we reconciled together. The lingeries were in the bin. Thank you once again for responding to my thread. It really makes me feel better when I have someone to burst out my thoughts. He's here. I gotta go.