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Friendship or relationship?

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So I have a friend I’ve known most of my life, but we start messaging and talking around 3 years ago when I split from my ex. This was purely on a friendship basis, as he was in a relationship, however we spoke most days, mainly just random chat. When he split from him ex about a year ago, the flirty banter, sexual innuendos started, just cheeky chat, again nothing serious. Recently that’s changed, we still talk often, however now when we do this have became more sexual, and we have been intimate online a few times. Even though we get in great, there’s no sign of us persueing things in person. I am unsure how this would work as we have spoke for so long, could be a complete disappointment, however my main concern is he won’t even acknowledge it. Says things like he’s shy, busy etc when ever I mention it, although not a serious conversation, usually just jokingly in a message. I feel completely stuck, I have no idea what our relationship is, where it’s going or what I should do about it. Any insight would be helpful?

Friendship or relationship?

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Are you able to spend in- person time with this friend? If not, it doesn’t sound like he wants this online relationship to go anywhere. Most couples would make every effort to start seeing each other in person. Was there a reason why you have not taken steps to become more of an in person couple? Is this a long distance relationship?

Friendship or relationship?

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I just re-read your post. You said: “when he split from him.” Was he in a same- sex relationship?

Friendship or relationship?

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If you want to find out for sure, you may just have to bite the bullet and ask him directly. In-person would be best, like Susie suggested. And try to bring it up in a way that doesn't blindside him/put him on the spot/make him feel threatened or intimidated. Maybe you could explain your feelings to him before asking him to do the same for you. And let him know that your friendship is top priority--I'm assuming you want to keep him as a friend if he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you.

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