I have a very tricky situation happening
About a year ago my sister and I bought a house together yes we were thinking about fixing it up and selling it and maybe doing another one we are both retired so it’s not a problem for us to spend time doing that. So After we found a house in another state I went down to stay in the house while my sister sold her house and cleared out. She Call one day and told me that she had met someone and that she is in love I’m kind of shocked since she’s 70 and then she told me he’s 45 but if she was happy I was happy about that She Said however that it was probably going to be a long distance relationship because he wanted to stay in the state he was in and she was coming down here to do our business and then the next thing I knew the two of them showed up at the door down here and he was talking about how much he loved it down here.
They stayed here for a whole month and still had to go back to clear out the house in the other state and meanwhile I started to find out a lot about the person that she was dating… He didn’t have a job, he had two ex-wives, two kids with child support that he wasn’t paying because he didn’t have a job, and I learned that my sister is paying for everything including his airfare on the way here
They were going out to eat every night and going on road trips all over the place in the car that she rented in the gas that she filled the tank so that disturbed me a little bit but I haven’t said anything about it. After they went back I got a call from my sister a month later and she said that he wanted to move down here and find a job so they came down again and here is my first problem
Of course it’s a new house to us so I need a lot of work I can do all kinds of work electrical etc. and was doing just that but there’s a lot that needs to be done there’s only one of me and I was doing it a little at a time as I can. So she volunteered that he could also work on everything and I thought oh that would be fine if he is looking for something to do he can fix a couple things so she gave him projects to do come to find out that she was paying him to do the projects.
I don’t think it’s right she pays for his meals and play some down here for months at a time and is paying him to work on our house it was supposed to be a business between us and I really don’t want to pay him on something I can do anyway but it’s more than that it’s the moral of why would a boyfriend or a girlfriend for that matter pay the other half to do work I’ve never heard of it whenever I’ve been with somebody I’ll help them for free and vice versa it’s a relationship that’s what it is about MI right?
There’s a lot more to come and this situation and it will kind of blow your mind because it did mine.
So this matter of her paying him when she’s paying all his airfare and meals and everything else is the first question would like help on what do you people think … i’m likely going to confront this person with this matter and the matters that I will write about soon in order that they happened so far right now I’d like to hear some poignant points that will help me stay on track when I talk to them
Their relationship is theirs, so stay out of it.
As for the house, if his completing jobs is her contribution to finish the house, what’s the big deal if she pays him? She would have to pay someone to get the work done, so why not him? ( I am assuming he has some kind of expertise, like carpentry, electrical, plumbing, etc.)
Am I to understand that your sister sold her home to come live in the 'project house' while the two of you work on it? Was that always the plan, or did BF recommend it so she'd have some cash? Did you sell your home, too?
I guess what you could say - to your sister - is that *you* are not paying him anything. The two of you are still making real estate investments and doing the work yourselves. That means YOU are not filthy rich, and don't have the means to support her if he uses her for her money and runs off. You can explain to Sis that you will help with temporary housing and support if that happens, but you won't be housing and feeding BF under any circumstances.
You can affirm that what Sis does with her money is her business, but from the outside looking in, it looks like BF has just found a meal ticket.
Since your sister is 70 and retired, I'm kind of wondering exactly what was her contribution to fixing the house going to be? She's not repairing the roof or installing new sills (I hope!) Or was it planned that she sell her home to finance the reno, and that was her contribution? You do the work, she provides money for materials?
"i’m likely going to confront this person with this matter"
IMO, you should talk to your sister before trying to talk to the boyfriend. Let her know what you've noticed and that you are concerned that she may get burned by this guy. Just realize that there's a lot about the relationship you potentially may not know about and you do risk offending her/damaging your relationship if you confront her.
On the other hand, you could just leave it alone but keep an eye on how it plays out. You are getting help fixing up your house, after all. And your sister seems happy enough at the moment.
So here’s the rest …yes I was thinking that he found a meal ticket so on alert…. Now about a month ago my sis told me she was talking to a guy who is helping her and ny mom move and he went ballistic telling her she can’t talk to that guy as they went to lunch one day…. So it IS my business…that abuse and another bright red flag
So about the week after that my sister said we can’t come down until his case is done…I said WHAT CASE…
Apparently he is going for being found guilty of assault on a former girlfriend…my sister is sticking up for him and says he’s been dealt bad cards in life…in my book he’s charged guilty and he only had a fine and two years probation though
This person is coming to live with me so BS it’s not.my business … it is and I’m going to protect her too but what can I do?
My mom is 90 and was supposed to come live with us but she won’t because she doesn’t like him and doesn’t vet know about the abuse case.
It was supposed to be me sister and mom living here ….what to do…?
You didn't answer any of my questions, and my answer is kind of dependent on those answers.
If I was destitute and had to go live with my sister and her husband, and they felt they had to take me in, because I was dependent on them I would have to acquiesce to the living conditions they laid out or take my chances on the street. I might not like being told, "You can't bring lovers here" but if I want to stay in THEIR house, I may agree to that. And my word is all I have at that point.
If Sis and I are equal partners on rehabbing a house, I have very different standing. We're equal partners. We have equal veto power.
So, if your sister sold her house to finance this project, she's providing money, you labor, well, I guess you're equal partners. I don't think you can tell her how to live, OR how to spend her money. You don't say if you sold your house, so I'm not sure what's going on there. Clearly, the way it was set up was for her to live in the house, and now you're trying to pick her boyfriends (Yes, he does sound more like a boy than a man) This guy is nothing to you and owes you nothing. You're over-reaching. Tell Sister YOU won't pay this guy one thin dime. The deal is between the two of you. If Sister wants to throw her money away I guess your project house is on the line.
I totally agree with your assessment of the situation. I think it's arrogant of you to run a 70-year-old sibling's love life. It's. None. Of. Your. Business.
Completing the house is your business. If she isn't going to have the finances to do that because of BF, then you need to have a talk WITH HER about what happens when SHE runs out of money. I gave you my suggestions before. You ignored my questions. You're second post makes it clear you don't like this guy, (first one too) but no one died and made you God.
I suppose I could ask how your mother feels about this dolt, but clearly, you don't read the answers and are only on here to rant. So be it.