Mil intrusive in laws
Hi im new here and looking for advice or a extra pair of eyes to look in on why im feeling suffocated and feeling resentment towards in laws especially mil.
Not married but have been with partner 8 years. We have a happy little life from the start his mother has never left us in peace. She used to turn up uninvited and we owuld be running around trying to tidy things up hiding stuff we didnt want her to see. I told my partner this was not good and i like my own space.
They live around the corner from us and are always calling for partner to go do stuff for them which is fine with me. Whats not fine is dropping our plans to accomamdate then at the drop of a hat.
Mil has turned up and at house before when we were going on holiday and taken her sisters etc into our house when she was told we were busy getting ready to go away, taking her family forma tour round our home opening cubboards etc.
At that point i put my foot down and said to my partner thisnis not ok with me this is not normal how they are enmeshed all his family.
Shes nosy intrusive even if we go on holiday she calls all the time to talk to her son.
Theres so many things but the latest is.... we have a family wedding this week, my partner is driving, i put my back out last week so its still slightly giving me grief, we are goingnto the wedding as is his parents and his brother and his gf.
It was arranged long ago and his parents were travelling with his brother and my partner clearly said we will be going on our own.
Great, until last night his mum calls to say she thinks it would be better for her to travel to the wedding with us, instantly i said no way am i crawling into the back seat of our tiny car with my back so i cant move and my dress will be crushed, so its caused all hell, as his mother is obese and we only have a little car.
I told him no way am i going in the back and his mum said oh am i causing a problem, and my partner informed her she couod come and that he will not put his mother in back of car.
I was so upset that again im pushed to the side. We both vape but she doesnt know this the drive is an hour and a half and we wont be able to even have a vape all day.
Thats not a big deal, he told her i was busy making the buttonholes for our outfits i asked her if she wanted pink or white feathers in her flowers she said pink, but last night she said she didnt ask for feathers which is a lie, i read out the message to my partner in black and white.
So its caused a big argument. My pattner went to bed last nightnat 6pm and hasnt talked to me at all.
I tried to talk to him last nightnto say look this wasnt what we had arranged we were going on our own travelling on our own and now we are in a convoy with his family.
I said you expect me to crawl into the back seat in a long dress with a bad back to sit behind your seat.
While your mothers sits pride of place in the front spread out.
Im pretty sure she went off the phone with a smile on her face cause she knew she has caused a arguement, last week it was the gift for her niece she phoned to ask us to buy her a £180 cutlery set because the bride had spent so much on our meal. He actually hung up on her and told her we would be arranging our own gift.
Anyway maybe its me but ive never been in this situation with a mil who is always playing top dog and i resent her now even more.
You're not legally married but you technically pretty much are at the moment. I've heard people say that sometimes when you marry someone, you also marry their family. This sounds like a textbook case of that--like you're Debra from "Everybody Loves Raymond."
Are you able to move somewhere farther away from MIL? A little space may be all you need because living so close definitely doesn't sound right for you. If you can't move, you may need to let him know that you're not going to stick around if he can't do a better job supporting you. Or that if he chooses not to support you then you cannot be held responsible for how you act around or respond to MIL.
Another option would be to try to sit down with MIL and have an honest conversation. Tell her how you feel about her (don't forget to include positive things) and tell her how her actions make you feel. Allow her to do the same. Let her know that it's important to you that you and MIL improve your relationship and maybe y'all can find an activity or interest or event to help you bond.
Unfortunety we cant move at the moment, my partner dod look into selling but hes also tired to his jib works with his brother and also his mother works where he works, weve lived togther for neadly 8 years, its just like she has to be top dog, she knkws exactly what shes doing, she likes to know everything interfere in everything, i couodnt sit her down and chat ive tried that before it didnt work.
Im the one who doesnt have any family near by butvim used to calling people to arrange to visit etc, thats how i was brought up. She knows fine we dont have room in our wee car shes just trying to cause issues. Thanks for replying,