Am I wrong? Opinions needed!
LUCIDITYISFLEETING - Aug 20 2021 at 22:23
My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. Two years ago he cheated on me, left and bane back 5 separate times for the same girl. Pretty quick after the final tube he went to jail for 6 months where he proceeded to tell me I was his everything and his wonderful things would be when he got out etc etc etc... He got out and things have changed some, I have access to all his accounts (at least that I know about), he tells me he's not doing anything bad or wrong anymore. But then things aren't what he said they'd be like. And our relationship is very strained all the time. We've never really sat down and discussed the affair (or anything previously) because he says I need to leave it in the past. And he's focused on our future but I can't let go of the past. Because I don't feel like it was ever fully discussed. I still have so many lingering questions that he refuses to answer or even acknowledge. I don't bring it up often, but I am very insecure and broken and untrusting as a result and he tries to make me feel crazy and irrational for feeling that way. There's of course a lot more to this story I just cut it down to the readers digest version to try and figure out if I truly am wrong for the things I'm asking for?
I have much more information if needed. He guards his phone like crazy and refuses to let me see it if I ask. He tells me I start drama constantly even though I hate conflict and avoid it at all costs. He tells me I'm negative when I'm the exact opposite.
There's no grey areas here and it's all black & white staring you in the face. You'll never be able to trust your BF and therefore you're never going to have a decent relationship with him. Instead, you're going to be forever looking for answers which will not be forthcoming simply because your BF wants it that way. You have every right to know and your BF knows the answers but would put you down constantly where he can control you, rather than give them to you. If a guy can't reassure and comfort his GF who's worn 6 months jail time with him, as well as put up with his betrayal, then he's not worth the heartache.
After 7 years it's time to move on and be all the wiser for it by leaving guys like your BF out of your life and finding yourself a guy who will love and respect you for who you are. Then you'll be halfway there to feeling happy and content, rather than being miserable and forever in doubt.
Thank you. And you're more right than you'll ever know in the fact that it's staring me in the face I'm just looking for any reason to give him the benefit of the doubt. And he's very convincing when he talks. Tells me he loves me or he wouldn't still be here putting up with everything I put him through.
Now, I need it to be said that I am by no means perfect. I can be overly clingy, needy, desperate at times etc.
Thank you for your input. I've often wondered if he was a sociopath. But it seems everyone is nowadays.
I just don't know what to do, when he left me, it was the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I wished for death just to numb the pain. I don't think I can handle that again, but living like this is emotionally draining!
He's left you five times and he's been to jail. You don't say why, but thankfully, you're not wailing, "He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."
You can do better. Actually, you'd be happier alone than baby-sitting this child.
It's pretty horrible of him to not even talk to you about cheating because he wants to "keep it in the past." Him cheating affected YOU directly, and it's part of YOUR past/present as well. And the fact that you may never gain insight into this significant and potentially traumatic event is very unfair to you.