I've been with my bf for about a year and a half and even in the beginning, I wasn't feeling too excited about him but I wasn't in a good place and I probably shouldn't have been dating but I was isolated and wanted some human interaction and this was right when the pandemic and the lockdowns hit. I always hoped that maybe I would get to know him better and change how I felt.
After all this time, I still feel some hinge of uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and I've tried to break up with him a few times but I can't seem to do it. My reasoning is he's very handsome, he's super sweet and romantic, and maybe he's just immature but he can grow up in time. He's 31 and I'm 34. I also don't talk to anyone else, all of my friends have disappeared, so when I was single I would just fall into this rut of depression, worse than what I'm feeling now. We have been getting along better and getting used to how we interact. I wasn't in a good place before I met him, like I mentioned earlier, but I noticed that I seem a little happier and more comfortable with him and myself.
I think the things that still bother me is probably his way of communicating and some of the things he says. He gets road rage quite a bit and he seems to go off when he's had a bad encounter or when people in front of him is slow. Somehow this translates to me as him not really being a kind person because I see driving issues as tiny and not worth fussing over. But then again he drives a lot more than I do and I work from home and traffic can get pretty bad here. I try to avoid driving for the most part.
Sometimes when I tell him something, he just repeats what I say and doesn't give his opinion or insight. It kind of feels like talking to a wall sometimes or bouncing a flat basketball. When we first met, I asked him what his favorite music and movies were and he said nothing so we started listening to music I like and watching movies I like and now they're things he like. I've called him out on this but he has denied it.
His mom seems to take care of him quite a bit and sends him lots of things but he doesn't seem prepared for anything himself. I love all things finance and he said that he's never even logged in to his 401k account. I told him to log in and when he did, he found out that he had no money in there when he thought he did. I said "well, at least you found out rather than later", and all he did was blame his mom and brother for not telling him to check his account. This really turned me off because nobody has ever told me to check anything either but you do these things because you're an adult and you take care of yourself. You don't wait for your family to do it.
The last thing that really bothered me is him making bad jokes about the one friend I have left and my family. He made a joke about my friend not being the brightest and I really got on his case about that. I thought he would have learned but today he made a joke about my brother ending up in a ditch. My brother isn't that bad and has never done anything to warrant that joke. In fact, this was a situation where my brother was even going to help him out. I just that he's been in some accidents and he made that joke. I told him to never joke like that again and he admitted that he has bad jokes sometimes and apologized.
I think my hesitation of breaking it off is that I believe he's the nicest person I've ever been with but I haven't been with many nice people. I think maybe I won't find someone else who is this nice but sometimes I can't help but wonder if he's one of those people who are fake nice just to not have confrontation.
I know there are many signs I should break it off but I seem to be waiting for a catalyst or some big "reason" to break it off. It's been a hard year too so I've been having a harder time doing the tough things that should be done.
Is this relationship worth working on?
Lol actually he didn't. He used to be overweight.
"...I wasn't feeling too excited about him but I wasn't in a good place and I probably shouldn't have been dating but I was isolated and wanted some human interaction..."
Sometimes we go to great lengths and/or do things we wouldn't normally do to gain attention, especially when we're lonely.
"After all this time, I still feel some hinge of uneasiness in the pit of my stomach and I've tried to break up with him a few times but I can't seem to do it....I also don't talk to anyone else, all of my friends have disappeared, so when I was single I would just fall into this rut of depression, worse than what I'm feeling now."
Wow, it kind of sounds like you already know you don't want to be in this relationship and just want to be sure before you make and commit to a final decision. You're doing the right thing asking for outside opinions. He shouldn't be the only person you talk to, especially if you're doubting the relationship.
Speaking from experience--if you're unhappy with/around yourself, you'll be the same way with/around others. Of course there are exceptions but in general the more intimate you become with someone the harder it is to keep your internal struggles from bleeding over into the other person's life. And when you describe his lack of identity and independence it seems like he could become more of an obligation than a partner later on.
He's petty and acts in a dangerous manner with YOU IN THE CAR (road rage incidents) Putting others in danger is not 'a tiny issue.'
He hasn't taken on the responsibilities of an adult. He has a 401k and didn't know it had no money in it? How did he think it was funded? He had to set this up with an employer. If he didn't authorize withdrawals from his paycheck, of course there's no money.
He's tactless and mean, making jokes about people he thinks aren't intelligent.
He's not a nice person. He's not even a fake nice person.
You seem to think 'any boyfriend is better than none at all.' I don't agree, but that's a decision you'll have to make for yourself.