What to do? I lied or something like that and it might be found out
I’m scared of a phone call with a friend because he might find out I’m unfortunately a girl.
So I (girl,16) met this guy (same age) online on a website to find friends and we’ve been texting for months. He always tells me he wants to call me and talk on the phone and that’s a good idea because it’s faster than texting and “really talking” will make the friendship stronger, won’t it.
Here’s the problem: he thinks I’m a guy because I told him I am. And I don’t want to tell him the truth, at least not yet because I like being a boy online and with anyone who doesn’t meet me irl since I can’t be male physically. Also, I’m scared of his reaction. (I know I’ll have to tell him eventually especially since we are planning to meet one day in the future but we live in different countries so it won’t be anytime soon)
So far he has only seen edited photos of me (with that face app gender change filter) and I’m scared that my voice will give me away. I have told him that it hasn’t broken yet for some reason (which is technically true) and I have even sent him voice messages because I can make my voice sound almost convincingly male when I try extra hard but it makes my throat hurt and I can’t do it for long.
So far I’ve told him I’m only shy and that’s why I don’t want him to call me but we’re, like, becoming close enough friends that this really isn’t a reasonable argument anymore.
I really feel like shit already because I’m lying to him about my gender and now I keep disappointing him about the phone call thing.
So what should I do? Should I just let him call me and stick to my “idk why but I still sound like a girl lol” story or is there a better way to dodge this whole situation or does anyone know how to make my voice sound more masculine without it being so uncomfortable for my throat? What can I do WITHOUT telling him the truth?
Any help would be highly appreciated!!
If you care about this guy and want a real friendship, I'd tell him the truth to get it off your conscience. Sooner would be better than later. And if you being a girl causes him to unfriend you then he's not worth your time anyway.
BUT...realize that you have been lying to him. I would definitely apologize and explain to him why you did what you did. You could even add in something like "you're the only person from the chatroom that knows this because I only feel comfortable telling you." He has a right to get angry but I don't see why he wouldn't understand, especially if he likes you already.
Just keep in mind that the longer you pretend to be someone else, the more you're going to run into this kind of dilemma. Being yourself can be hard when you have insecurities. I'm in my 30s and I still struggle with my own identity, so I get what you're going through. But not being yourself is also not respecting who you are--and if you don't respect yourself, why should anyone else?
This “friend” may want to develop this relationship into something you are not prepared for so you Must tell him the truth.