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My partner and I are both female, in our 50s and live together. We've been in a relationship for about a year and a half. Last Friday night we had plans to go out for the evening and we got into an argument. She took off and wouldn't tell me where she was going or what time she would be home. I was really upset. I texted her a little while later and told her I'm going out and I won't be back until the next day. She texted me back "ok have fun" and that was it. I went by my sister and spent the night. I didn't hear from my partner all night. The next morning I texted her around 9 am saying to leave the door unchained because I was coming home soon. Finally at 2 pm, she texted me back saying she just woke up, stayed out until bar close, went to a friend's house after the bar and didn't get home until 6 am. I asked her who the friend was and she said you don't know her so it doesn't matter. Seeing that I don't know this friend of hers, I will truly never know what happened that night. My first thought is that she cheated but I don't have proof of that. I can only go by what my partner told me. What do you think of all of this? I've been constantly thinking about it and I want unbiased outsider opinions. Thank you.

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Wow - you went right to the possibility of her cheating instead of that she just simply wanted some time away from home. This says a lot about your relationship. How have things been between you two before this blowup?

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In the beginning it was great. After a couple months, she became distant and unaffectionate. Since then, I'm the one who tries to keep everything together, I'm the one who initiates affection and as far as intimacy goes, it's been nonexistent for the past 4 months. That's why I thought maybe she is cheating because she doesn't show me any kind of affection or love or intimacy

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If there's been no intimacy, which all relationships need to survive, then you've probably jumped to the right conclusion about your partner's actions in this instance. If her actions make you wonder & her words create more questions then answers, rather than comfort you, then it's time to listen to what your gut is telling you.

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I asked her point blank if she cheated. She said no, I went to the after bar party because you weren't home and I used to go to them before I met you. I said we haven't been intimate in 4 months so it makes me wonder. She said I've been telling you I have no sex drive because of menopause. That is true she told me that, but she was also in menopause when we met and we had intimacy alot in the beginning. She also said if I were to cheat on you, I would ask you to move out. I don't know what to make of that. Any opinions on this?

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You need to decide if you want to keep this going or throw in the towel. The 50’s are great years for activity and sex and there’s no reason you or her need to spend it arguing. Off to the Dr. for her for a complete work up. Insist on it.

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I think that as I alywyas say to folks having relationship issues or fights. That communication is KEY! Running away from the issue or problem is not going to solve itself. I think that if she wanted space that is fine but going to the bar and drinking and VOIDING the issue is not right and a little "childish on top of that seeing someone that you have no clue who it is or willing to tell you who it is. I would really talk to her and express that this can not keep going on with fights and to work out a better way for both of you to get some space from each other that healthy and not going to add more fuel to the fire. I hope that helps and I wish you only but the best :) Alex

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