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Should I say or should I not?

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After 5 years I met him again. Somehow that day I just felt, I knew I would. As I learned he’s been in a relationship for 2 years now. We have never really been together, I was too young and confused, he was serious and I could not deal with it. It was quite a hectic relationship, almost getting together, sthen saying goodbye, and it went on and on and on. Gosh I had my first kiss with him. It was over because of me but after all these years I learned he was really a man anyone could hope for. Sacrificing, caring, loving, all fun. After 5 years of experiences, boys, tears, laughs, nights with friends I just realized he was that special one all along… Karma showed me how I treated him by giving me the opportunity to meet a real douchebag who did the same to me as I did to him that time. It was not deliberate, I was just not even aware what I was doing, or even feeling, I was 17. Not that young, but still—After things ended with karma-sent guy he just appeared after 5 years. I know he felt something, too. He kept avoiding me the whole night. We met with our friends and he was there with his gf too. Our mutual friends said that I would always be a weak spot for him that is why he tried to avoid me the whole night. When he thought we left and turned around and caught a glimpse of me, I could see he was almost shocked, then turned back and chugged the wine all at once. I know it’s selfish but I just liked that moment, it gave me hope… After they left for a few blocks we went after them, bc we live the same direction, but he hasn’t even hugged his gf all the way. Next they I wrote him. In my first sentence I asked him no to misunderstand my gesture of texting him. I asked for his forgiveness for my foolish behavior and that I hope there will not be any awkward moments in the future like that night was. Also I wrote him I hope he is doing well and that may the future bring anything, I am ready for it in proper timing and asked him to take care. I don’t know what I was hoping but he has not replied. That was 1 week ago. And I really do not know what’s next. Honestly I don’t even remember our last conversation…I do not want to be a relationship wrecker but at least one decent conversation…Is it too much to hope for or want? What do you guys thing? Thx for reading.

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