Should this carry on
I am beginning to think my relationship is dying. I live with my man and pregnant after a miscarriage with him. We were great when we first got together, although his divorce from his ex isn't final, I thought I could cope. Incase your wondering , he already left his wife when I met him. His ex is a plain and simple bunny boiler who stirs trouble nearly every week. After 18 months he finally has access to his 5 children every two weeks, first time for me having them. They seem great, but i know it won't be an easy ride as I have 2 of my own. I accept all this and supported him, I have gone thru a lot with him. We keep arguing all the time, mostly about business, he wants to earn a lot of money that means doing a job where he won't have much time for us. All the stress and rows resulted in me losing a baby. He blackmails me into doing things his way or he is walking out. He packs his bags when we row and sys upsetting things, this must be the 6th time i have unpacked them since june. Whenever I have a problem he isnt really there, he turns it into a joke or calls me emotional or over the top. I am not allowed to complain about anything. I feel really stressed and alone, as I am pregnant again and scared of the same thng happening. I keep crying and feeling like he isn't there for me, he shoves everything off. I am not sure whether I should have the baby or not, I feel like i am losing out eithe way. He admits hes wrong and then he goes back to acting like this. I don't trust him as he has a past and stuff he said he wouldn't do he does. He doesn't get on with my daughter. He puts me down like if I left I would be nothing without him, starting to believe he might be right. I am scared of being alone, don't have friends I can trust and my mum died so not much family either. Could do with some decent advice.
Hmm.. Honestly, I'd get out while I still can. He provides nothing but hurt and stress onto your life, and it's detrimental -- enough to the point of leading you to a miscarriage for the first time with him -- and THAT, says a lot.
It is your choice on whether or not to keep the baby, but seeing that you lost one with him already, would it be easier for you to lose another of his?
--- Here is a list of scenarios ---
If you keep the baby and leave:
- You will still remain in ties with him
- He will still be somewhat in your life;
- He or you will either take your baby in custody
- You would have to deal with child support money
- If you win the court case of the baby he'd have to drop by sometime to see it if he even cares
- If you lose the court case of the baby, you will feel badly for every time you go to see him/her.
If you keep the baby and stay:
- He may still take you for granted
- He may abuse the baby (in the absence of your presence)
- He may remain harmful and detrimental to you and your child
- He may neglect you and your child
- He may not be a proper father figure or boyfriend / husband to you
If you lose the baby and leave:
- You can start over anew, with someone who actually cares and supports you
- You will feel relieved without having any ties with your ex-to-be
- You can finally get the heck out of his life
- You can be free again
- You can begin finding self-worth again
Point is, he's not good for you, and by having a baby with him, it would complicate things MUCH, MUCH more on a grand scale, and I personally do not think it is worth it for you to be in a relationship with him any longer.
You are NOT nothing without him.
You do NOT deserve such mistreatment.
You KNOW this is a bad relationship
You KNOW you deserve better
You KNOW that you should LEAVE
Don't let any fears, worries, or troubles get in the way of your freedom.
You do not need this guy -- he's the worst; I mean, he's not even officially divorced from his ex! Even if he were, I bet he would still treat you badly, and that is NOT acceptable.
You need to leave, you need to get rid of the baby and all your problems will be solved.
Would you rather:
- Live a life in misery with this guy?
- Be taken advantage of and stepped all over with him?
- Have him make you feel like the shittiest person in the world?
Or would you rather
- Be alone in hopes of finding someone better?
- Someone who'd take care of you
- Someone who'd understand you
- Someone who'd never want to hurt you
- Someone who'd love you for you
Don't cry over this guy anymore.
I say leave. Leave and never look back.
He may creep up and be on your back about it after you leave, but be sure to have some type of protection via your friends or any relatives that could keep an eye out on you for him in case he does something harmful to you.
He's just never there for you, and isn't a good guy at all. Leaving you crying, hurt, and alone. You don't need a guy like that, and it's great you're not married to him or anything, so please, LEAVE WHILE YOU STILL CAN!
The statements you made about him are all the warning signs that he's not good for you -- or anyone for that matter -- AT ALL.
Just find anyone you can to help you cope -- if anything, come to the chat room sometime, I come here regularly and will do my best to help you through the situation.
But please, leave while you still can..
Also, if you're against abortion..
There are situations in life where it is necessary to receive one.
For example, rape victims.
If you were raped by someone a baby developed in your uterus, would you still keep it despite it being of a criminal?
The baby would grow up without his/her true father, and s/he may want to find out who he is someday, or would have to deal with a step father if s/he has a problem with it, or whatever reason.
It's not worth it to have a rape baby. You do not need to keep it. You'd have no true ties to it either.
Don't fall for the fallacy that OH, BUT THE BABY DEVELOPED AND IT'S LIFE I'M TAMPERING WITH -- no.
It derived from the many sperm that gets ejaculated into the inside end of condoms after sex for the most part, and one of them just happened to be developed.
I may even go as far as saying it might prefer not to be born either because they were created in the event of a crime, but we don't know that for sure.
Point is, abortion is okay. It is necessary at times.
Who'd want to keep all the babies from all that sperm anyway?
So I hope you are able to make the decision that works best for you.