Advice about emotionally abusive relationship
My fiancé and I have been together for 11 years and our wedding is in 3 months from now. Almost 2 years ago, I got caught by my fiancé in a porn addiction, which led us to seek counseling and work out our relationship. All the counseling has made me learn how emotionally abusive she has been towards me in our years together, which is what led to the porn addiction.
Lately, I have been struggling because I have attempted to set boundaries, told her my needs of the work she needs to do in regards to the abuse, but it has been very difficult to see improvement. This has led me to want to separate.
I am the type of person who puts other peoples happiness in front of their own and people pleases. I am still able to get happiness out of this relationship, I just want the abuse to stop. I have trouble following through with the separation because I still do love and care about her deeply, I still do picture us married. It is still just hard for me to come to terms with the abuse of the past.
In summary, I would like any advice anyone has on this situation. I would also like to know if there is anyone here who has been in an abusive relationship, decided to stay and work with their partner, and seen the abuse go away.
The issue is your fiancé is abusive & unless she learns to reign it in, regardless of how much counselling you get, she'll always be abusive towards you. Sure, you can love and care about her but you need to ask yourself if you really need a marriage with her where there won't be a lot of respect.
If there's not much effort from her supporting you, then you need to realise that you guys are on two separate pages, and nothing's likely to get resolved while that's happening.
Your addiction is yours to beat and you need support to do it, but if it's not going to come from the person you're going to marry, and after 11 years, then you're better off doing it yourself.