Haven't talked with my ex-potential soulmate for years, how to proceed
Years ago I fell in love with the perfect girl and she still is my "crush" today. Back then I WAS her crush too,but I was filled with anxiety, fear, insecurities (dont have a good impression i suck at studies+sports, dont have friends and i am ugly af) and i never really had the courage to ask her out or even start a conversation with her .
She "moved on" and has had a few boyfriends throughout the years. Unfortunately my feelings for her got worse and she means a lot to me even now. And yes i loath myself.
She probably hates me and theres a high chance that she probably cut me off her life. I dissapointed her. She probably still doesnt know that she means everything to me. I've still not talked to her till today and im pretty scared to.
I think its high time i do smth about this. Ive tried to move on ofc and it failed (clearly).
I really want to clear things out and confess to her about everything and apologies. Wether its by text or in person. I am looking for any advice from this forum
I'm an older woman, so I think I've learned some from my own mistakes. The very thing you should NOT do is confess to her and apologize. It's weak. You think about her a lot. Chances are she has moved on with her life and thinks of you not at all, so any big gestures are going to seem out of place.
All you should really do is just check in with her and say you got curious and wondered what she's up to these days and just see how she responds. Don't push it. Don't grovel. Good luck.
Thank you for the advice! yes you are right i should take a less aggressive and less emotional approach
however im still not really sure how to start a conversation with her, we havnt really talked ever and the one time we texted each other, i became really nervous and ended up leaving the convo awkwardly so from her perspective i ghosted her.
this happened years ago and now while im still friends with some of her friends we have zero interaction.
i just think that coming out of no where after years, and texting her suddenly would be a bit weird.
(she still doesnt know i like her)
also there are 3 things that i believe makes it harder for me to interact with her:
1. Shes way above my league in terms of everything(i have no idea how she fell for a person like me in that time)
2. She probably hasnt and doesnt want to care or even think about my existence or presence
3. She probably has a boyfriend (she broke up with her 2nd boyfriend a few months ago and im not sure if she actually has a new one but im still sceptical)
( thank you for reading this far but please bear with me for a a few more paragraphs, sorry)
I have actually never told this entire thing to anyone in my entire life, i even asked some of my old friends if they actually knew who i liked but they said no they got no clue.
What if i actually tell one of them that the person who i like is this individual, this information will obviously spread like wildfire until it reaches her. and then i could talk to her.
if i talk to her without her knowing that ive liked her for years, she might think that im just desperate to have a relationship with a hot girl just for the sake of it.
but if she finds out that this entire time ive liked her , and then we talk, she might consider giving me a chance ? Should i consider this approach?
Why not think of this as new and consider a fresh start?
Forget the baggage of feelings from years ago. Neither of you are the same people today.
If you run with the same crowd, there’s nothing wrong with asking a mutual friend what she’s up to. If asked about it, you could just say you are curious and wondered if she is dating.